ever felt like your dreams were coated in glass? glass which magnifies everything good about it [for dreams have no flaws], glass which creates the illusion of it being within your grasp - even when it is untouchable.

ever walked into a glass door without knowing it was there? that's how it is. you run towards it with anticipation but you can't walk through glass. you thought you could feel it, you thought you could see it actually becoming real, but it was just another dream, frozen in super cooled liquid.

and what if you do get through? what if you managed to break the glass with your bare hands? it splinters in your face, a scar for every sin. and as the shards come loose, your lifelong dreams don't look like they're worth much. the shimmer on the surface is gone - it was induced by the glass. but i hope they were worth your toiling, the sacrifice of your young time and your endless backstabbing. how many throats did you cut to get to the top? think about it.

[unedited]

sorry i'm being sordid. i had inspiration to write this when i walked into a glass door at my tutors house last week. of course i felt like a straight fool, but it set me thinking and i started writing even though i was supposed to be practicing how to write ci yus. i have never quite gotten rid of my fascination with glass - which can explain my pen name [glass.] and my old diary id [glasswall] and the references to it in most of my poems. concealing, yet revealing.

+ posted by M @ 6:28 PM

...	Friday, June 06, 2003

i spent some time reflecting in the shower today about yesterday's entry, after my run. -yes i spend most my time thinking in the shower-

and i understand why people don't like disney flicks anymore. i can see that they are depressing in someways. for instance, their versions of cinderella, snow white, beauty and the beast and other such classic fairytales.

in every story, the heroine is a pretty little thing and the hero is a strong young man.let's look at snow white for instance. she croons "someday my prince will come.." while swanning around the well in her "ragged" clothes. is it really so hard to believe her prince will come and take her away? she's the epitome of female perfection - demure, dainty, hair a glossy shade of ebony making way for a peaches and cream complexion topped off by a rosebud mouth. she also has an incredibly small waist and tiny bone structure perfect for twirling around and carrying in his "strong manly arms". any sensible male would want to sweep her off her feet, literally, and bring her home to the castle.

from the minute the disney palace is lit up on your tv screen, you just know the heroine will find her "true love" and marry him even without having a proper conversation [they sing instead of talk in those airy fairy worlds of stardust and moonlight].

we, of course, are aware that we aren't snow whites [a la kristin kreuk, if it makes you easier to picture a real live snow white]. we do not have flawless skin and perfect dimples in both cheeks [or concaves in face structure, if you prefer]. so it explains very well why we don't have our princes [the sweet, charming, manly, sensitive, rich man topped off with the white steed at his side].

maybe we like fairy tales because they're so predictable. we have control over the endings in our own way because we are able to predict so well what will happen. that is, both will fall in love, kiss in a chaste manner and "live happily ever after". no matter that she was under a curse of deathsleep [sleeping beauty] or that she was a maid just a few days ago [cinderella]. beauty and the beast could have had a little credibility.. if he had not turned back to a human in the end. but after a while, we didn't really care that he was an animal did we? so perhaps personality has some hope in the fairytale region.

maybe that's why i can't stand disney fairytales sometimes. knowing that i don't look anything like the blonde haired, doe eyed cinderella doesn't help either.

maybe that's why i prefer bridget jones diary. people think it's more realistic - yes, bridget is definitely more realistic. she embarrasses herself in public continuously, and weighs a hefty 138 lbs. and most definitely, she had to go through bastards in order to meet her prince. in short, she makes the thorn bushes around aurora's castle look like toothpicks. to put it simply, she's not perfect - she's like any one of us. at the same time, when would we ever find a man like mark darcy? so we need a little dose of fairytale romance and a little bit of the harsh reality thrown in.

maybe what i like about it is that bridget jones diary aptly says love is not blind, but sees all and does not mind.

+ posted by M @ 6:44 PM