Sometimes it happens, feelings die,
Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye
We once had it all but events conspired
Sometimes
Saturn's decline in my star sign
Seasonal adjustments, stars realign
Sometimes it happens, feelings die
Sometimes, sometimes

- Sometimes, Ash

what makes something precious?

i remember last year, i really wanted a pair of limited adition adidas all white superstars. and naturally everyone i could tell knew because i was whinging on and on about how i couldn't find them anywhere. well, it happened to be around the same time as my birthday. and two parties actually tried getting me those shoes. the four of them [jas,yings,yilin,jen] and someone else. someone else got me a necklace instead, which i have misplaced. well, the four of them did hilarious things to try and measure my foot size. i have forgotten what they did. and although they got me a completely different pair of shoes [psychedelic reeboks], like andre said, "it wasn't what i wanted, but exactly what i wanted."

something is precious not because of what it is, how much it costs or the fact that it has a branded tag attached to it. we keep these things as a visible reminder. and i am afraid i'll forget, that i'll forget all the good times we had and all the tears i cried. i may have written a poem about not needing to preserve material things [memory] but the truth is, i'm just as insecure as anyone about my ability to remember. i've never experienced this before, but i suppose a gift becomes even more precious when the person who gave it is gone.

maybe sometimes its not just enough to live with the cliche "i'm not gone, i'm always with you in your heart". we always want something we can touch, feel or smell that reminds us of the person. just to make sure he/she actually existed before they vanished beyond human sight. the way she threaded the beads through to make a bracelet for you, or the way he'd feel when you hugged him in his suit or her scent when she went out for dinners.

these aren't just memories kept in mind, but in the heart as well. memories are the essence of a person - as long as one is not forgotten, one lives on. so is it better to forget or to remember? with forgetting, we will forget all the good as well, and with remembrance, we will remember all the bad. we can't have the best of both worlds, just like how people who convince themselves that shutting themselves out will save them emotionally.

material things don't recapture the essence of the person, we keep them because of the emotional price tag a person has attached to it. what makes a person? what is essence? does it have to do with what they look like? what they like? what they say? i still don't know.

the song up there is by ash, a good band i just discovered today while watching mtv. maybe i'm a bit slow, but i think they make pretty good music. that song reminded me a lot of julius caesar too [am currently doing powerpoint for the lit seminar].

+ posted by M @ 4:18 PM