i feel like throttling my brother for trashing many of my files. namely my ash and jon bon jovi songs.

fortunately he didn't take out the dashboard confessional stuff or he'd certainly get it.

that's all i have to say. there are so many things running through my head, tangling themselves. i want to be rid of this saccharine feeling of empty hope.

ever hoped for the impossible? i know i do. i dream a lot of the impossible, and try predicting my future, setting up scenes in my head - but nothing ever turns out that way. i'm just feeling awfully tired of all that. but life wouldn't be fun if it were predictable right? well it isn't exactly fun getting let down either.

yet, what is it that pushes us on, if not mindless, carefree, optimistic hope?

what is love? what is forever? i'm beginning to think those two words are highly exaggerated and unappreciated today. we always say, 'we'll be together forever' or 'friends forever' but do we really know what forever is? we've never experienced it - how can we place a name on something so infinite? what is forever? till the end of time? but what is that? and when will that be? so if we'll be friends till the end of time - which supposedly means forever - we assume that time will never end. but what if the day comes when it does end? so what is forever? just something we imagine. i don't think we really mean it and understand that word when we use it.

and what about love? what is that? why do people talk about love at first sight? i don't believe in that, romantic as it is. is love just a feeling? but feelings are temporary - happiness, sadness, anger, regret. sooner or later we forget them, but at the same time they can resurface anytime. so does love hibernate till we decide to draw it out again? love is a committment. or is it? is it that mechanical - merely a chore or something we're destined to feel for the other person? something we must continue to feel? or is it a bit of both feeling and committment? a committed feeling? i think we don't understand the word 'love' when we use it.

+ posted by M @ 6:53 PM