i woke up early to go for tuition this morning. doing math at 9 am does wonders for the soul... not.

anyhow, i came home and slept in till about 2 [disastrous] before realizing my grandparents were probably here since no one had actually come to wake me up [all busy having lunch]. i dragged myself downstairs and had one of the most amazing conversations ever with my grandfather.

everything you read next is all true, it's up to you if you'd want to believe it or not, because i know i do.

my aunt recently gave birth to a son, and he seemed normal enough until part of his head started caving in. i noticed that. soon we found out that his left brain was not growing. of course my aunt was distraught and we were all consulting my dad's doctor friends. well, all i really know about neurosurgery i've only ever read in ben carson's book, so i simply encouraged her to bring my cousin to john hopkins in america.

after getting an x-ray done in singapore first, they found he had a webster chromosome. that meant he could grow up to be mentally disabled. it was a one in a million chance that he would be normal because there is no medical cure for this, we were told. so my grandparents and my aunt and her husband [whp are catholics but not into it, despite my uncle being irish] prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.

the next time michael [cousin] went for an x-ray, they found that the webster chromosome had disappeared. thew doctors were amazed and told his parents he could grow up normally. can you believe the Grace of God! it was a one in a million chance and it happened. never underestimate the power of God.

and i'm sure God had His reasons for doing this. my aunt who had never been enthusiastic about church started praying and through this she has gotten closer to God.

that's the happy bit.

my grandfather then told me about the visions he'd been having.

he claims he's had glimpses of heaven. one time he woke up at night to go to the bathroom and he saw a brilliant gold tree with gold leaves. he thought he was dreaming at first, but realized he was awake when he looked around and saw everything exactly in place. instead of awe, he stood there in disbelief. soon, the image faded.

a second time, he was in perth holidaying. he woke up, again to go to the bathroom, and again he had an unearthly vision. he saw hanging trees, the leaves fluttering in the breeze. trees and a breeze in a HOTEL room. anyhow, this time he chose to have faith in the visions. he thanked God for blessing him with such a sight. and soon he began to walk backwards because he was afraid if he turned his back, the vision would disappear. in doing so, he knocked into the tables twice. he was fully awake. and for at least ten minutes, he stood there bathing in the joy and beauty of what was before him til it faded.

the whole time i listened, in awe. but at the same time, i couldn't bring myself to be truly happy for him. at first i asked, 'how do you know it was really heaven you saw?' and then he said, 'it could possibly be the path to heaven, not heaven itself..' and my heart constricted at those words. i was confronted with a miracle, and also the possibility that my grandfather was on his way to heaven. i should be happy, but i'm not ready yet, to let go of someone so important to me. i've never had to do that before. i could tell my mother was not truly happy either when he related that story to us.

yet at the same time, there was a complete sense of peace about him. he had come to that point in time when he had lived life to the full and was ready to answer God's beckoning. at that point, i realized i had never really hugged my grandfather before, or held his hand, or told him i loved him. and i wondered what it would be like if he went without me doing all those things. i just couldn't bring myself to move.

i could feel tears at the back of my eyes.

+ posted by M @ 2:45 PM