today over dinner was talking to charm and kai - and i felt so incredibly sad. you know, i like saying that i'm not ashamed of the gospel, but sometimes when they tell me certain things i feel so torn. basically christians have so many different views that i get why people like kai and charm get so disinterested with things. people seem to think we promote segregation, discourage individuality and are extremely close-minded. and sometimes i agree, because, where do we draw the line? so many people have so many different views. chalene likes to talk a lot about her faith, but there are so many things her and i disagree on. and this is why i feel torn - kai and charm relate this all with total annoyance and i sit there, not knowing whether to feel annoyed with them or agree with chalene. what is the in between? i try explaining that it's not always like that, but the damage has been done. am i the one in the wrong? i don't believe that wearing short skirts is damaging to the christian faith, i'm not 'fanatic' - or should i be? isn't that what God wants us to do? share the gospel.. but i think the way she does it totally puts others off.

maybe i'm the bad christian who streaks my hair, wants another piercing and has no problem with skimpy clothes [well i dont like them because i think women who wear too little are completely demeaning themselves but i don't think its a sin]. sure, don't wear skimpy clothes to church, but outside, who cares. its fine. i believe in individuality! come on, chalene makes it seem to kai and charm that we follow things deadly and have no personality.

and charm asked me today if i would marry the love of my life if he wasn't christian because chalene said no. i'd say, yes and no. honestly i have no idea. it's hard to explain, because i think the love of my life will be christian because i would like someone who shares my ideals and whom i can talk to God about, which is so important in my life. and on the other hand, maybe not. i mean why should the guy i love HAVE to be christian? does that really go into the equation? i'm not that Christianly to say it is a must i suppose. i don't see anything wrong with it, i don't. as long as we agree on the important things and he respects my choice of faith, i'd say things are fine. but then, what does she mean by love of my life? and you know i don't even think i want to get married - okay not don't want but i don't think about it because the whole committment bit scares me damn a lot - i'm 16. but i wont get into that now..

and then the whole thing about non-christians burning in hell. i honestly don't know what to say about that, because on one hand, i think, yes, non-christians aren't going to 'be saved' [i hate how people say that like being saved is all that matters] because Jesus said, 'i am the way, the truth and the life.' on the other hand, i think, no. who am i to go up to people and tell them - 'you're not going to be saved because you don't believe!' it is not in my place, HOW CAN I JUDGE? it pisses me off when people come up and tell others, 'you're muslim/buddhist/aethist, you're not going to be saved!' [sound like someone you know?] because, really, who are you to say? are you assuming you have access and say in the book of life? is that not a complete blasphemy in itself? self-righteousness is a total put-off. and by saying such things, one is encouraging total disharmony and bitterness in the world - so maybe we ARE the warmongers. i mean Bush so proudly says he is christian and if he isn't a warmonger i don't know what he is.

and what's worse is when fellow christians get all touchy about me being catholic. we're fellow christians, if we can't even get along within our church [denominations are so man-made. get over the bloody protestant-catholic war already] what kind of image are we portraying? and by doing this we think more people are going to want to convert [which is sort of the aim here]? wake up, dammit.

and what ANNOYS me the most is when christians do all these things and people who don't know [and its completely not their fault they dont know, okay] think that's what christianity is about and its not - its not at all what it's like. but then, who am i to say? i do many bad, unchristianly things myself. i have no idea, sometimes i confuse myself so much i don't know what i believe in anymore.

+ posted by M @ 2:53 PM