i decided to delete that post. anyway. let's not talk about nj for once. i've been to that school three times in two days and it seems like i will have to join ELDDS if my appeal is successful. i mean i don't mind the debate bit, but FORMING a CLUB to discuss books - that is sad sack. i mean CAP is fun as something extra, but writing club? omg. though the school newspaper sounds very appealing..

anyhow. i hope my nj appeal fails. i know i sound horrible, but i just hope it fails so i can go to acjc and prove that it isn't that bad. or something. i think i'm just sick of lying and forcing myself to be enthusiastic about this. the VP asked me if my parents were forcing me to go to NJC. well, what did i say? i say i WANTED to go to NJC. ha. i lied, and i know my mom was sitting there hoping i'd lie, probably praying to God that i'd lie while i paused to think of a plausible lie. you see how ugly that is. i hate it.

i know there must be something here that spells God's plan, but something which involves me lying? i suppose i shouldn't have been such a wuss. i should have just told the truth - but then what about respecting your parents wishes? honouring your parents? ha. ha.

this is a fallacy.

so i said that the entry wouldn't be about postings again because i don't want my life to be all about 'what school i'm going to' 'what subjects are you taking' 'what scholarship are you applying for' but sadly that's all it seems to be right now. and you think i have a choice; but i don't, not at all.

+ posted by M @ 4:22 PM