i'm at home while my brothers are looking at bugs in the science centre. couldn't meet kai and ying cos something popped up with kai. it's funny how when you want something to happen; and when it finally might happen - you wished you never thought of it that way. anyhow, we decided to meet up when the whole gang was available.

i have to stop staying home. actually there are so many people i'm supposed to meet up with but for these few days i actually feel like lounging around in front of the TV. i seemed to have been fully booked for the week but in actual fact maybe not because the mini PR movie marathon seems to be dissipating - i'm not keen on having it tomorrow in case i have to spend the day appealing at NJ or even AC. am supposed to meet up with aa, je and sherm on friday but we'll see how that goes. somehow i get the idea that this week is meant to be stay home week after i've been out almost everyday last week. i'm still edgy about going to TM4:12 again on saturday.

actually - where have the holidays gone? i haven't even met up with the whole gang yet. the whole time it's only been me, kai, yilin and charm because ying's mom is crazy and jas is forever grounded [i am not inclined to believe that, at all.] and jen has been in tokyo since like forever. and it feels like we may never meet up because everyone has sort of drifted - i've become closer to kai and jen. yings is like grounded. jas is probably grounding herself, yilin has always been somewhat detached and charm is hanging around a lot with edna nowadays.

actually, it frustrates me because sometimes i seem to be the only one who cares about sticking together.

as for jas; i am somewhat annoyed. no, somewhat is an understatement. first she says she's grounded all the time. i know her dad is a bit of a nutjob but who grounds their kids after o levels for nothing at all? i mean, her brother goes out all the time and he's the guy that doesn't get straight As - i know it. and then suddenly she sends this 'weepy' and pathetic-sounding sms to all of us saying that she isn't avoiding us, or being selfish, she just wants to spend more time with her family these holidays. which is rather impossible on weekdays considering both her parents work in the day and have used up whatever leave they were granted on their overseas trip. if you don't want to come out, just say so, you don't have to lie about it. and if she really did want to make her family happier - maybe she should try eating so it doesn't hurt to look at her. it hurts everytime i look at her, i can only imagine how much pain her mother must feel.

or maybe i should be more understanding because that's what friends are supposed to do. but at this stage i really can't help it. let's just see if she can avoid us all her life. i'm so very sick and tired of this situation. i realize i sound judgmental and unreasonable but i can't be miss diplomat all the time - i never was.

friends are supposed to trust each other, that i know. but i also know another thing, friends don't lie to each other so deliberately and so elaborately. friends don't disappoint each other, over and over again. what are friends supposed to do, actually? i can't quite figure that out.

+ posted by M @ 3:58 PM