you always accuse me of not wanting to know, not wanting to understand because there are just too many things - but i want to know, you just don't want to tell me.

what is it with you? do you think that on your own no one else cares about you and that all we care about is ourselves? go on believing that way if you like, but i just wish you'd stop being so delusional. open your eyes, i don't know what it is about you that enjoys thinking you are alone and dejected when you're not. there are so many people who have cared for you, and we are those people. we have never given up no matter how many times you have rejected us. sure, we have toyed with the idea, maybe talked about it among ourselves, but we've never been serious about giving up, and you know why? because we're still hoping, because we still love you.

do you know how much you frustrate us? do you know how much you hurt us with your lies and withdrawal? i'm sure you understand that we are angry and frustrated; but have we ever given up on you? NEVER.
WE'RE HERE. you just choose not to see us.

i'm really upset. i surprised myself by going all misty-eyed last night but who knows - there's only so much i can take before my emotions start to show through. it's not that i am emotionless- i tend to be unable to show it. not that i don't want to, but i'm not good at doing so. there are times i wish i could cry and cry because sometimes it feels so good to just cry, but i can't do it.

going out everyday, trying to fill up the void, just doesn't work. retail therapy is fun sometimes but ultimately temporary. i met up with nat, cel and seet today. we basically bummed around orchard road and helped mandy out with her church games. cue holding signs at the wisma atria underpass which read, 'talk to me!' and 'i'm pretty, talk to me!' some were friendly, some were downright cold. and doing cheers at far east plaza but i skipped out on that one.

there is something very comforting about being with seet. we're different as day and night [that's why shopping with her can be crazy] and we really don't talk or share the interest in the same things, but there is a great affinity we have. it's this knowing that she's one of those friends i can call anytime and tell anything to and know she will always be there and try her best to understand even if she doesn't. it's also knowing that deep down she's sensible and considerate. i suppose she's the closest i have gotten to having a best friend that lasts.

we're all just too busy to careabout anyone but ourselves, and i don't want to be one of those people

+ posted by M @ 8:16 PM