so i'm sick and at home. being sick just ruins all your plans, basically. i'll be dragging myself down for the PR dinner tonight because i'm absolutely dying to feel alive again but i don't think i'm up for embassy tomorrow or the kayaking trip.

i should be at the doctor's now but i can't bring myself to move. i have to get my MC though - because jc is so damn stringent. last night i had a talk with my parents. my dad wanted to talk about my college and university options. can you believe the nerve? why talk about it now when i'm already having a hell of a time adjusting to jc? and then it all came out, all the crying i've been wanting to do, but haven't been able to; it just happened. i cried and cried and kept muttering, 'i am all alone, i am all alone.' not just in school, but in every other aspect. i am insignificant, unimportant to everyone else in my life i had hoped would stay so constant. the drifting i hoped would never happen, has taken place and i wonder why i never accepted that reality when all the while i told myself i was prepared.

it feels so good to have cried, but i think i haven't cried quite enough. i can't bring myself to go back again, to that unfeeling, uncaring environment of cold concrete grey.

+ posted by M @ 3:35 PM