and everything just comes to a standstill.

i'm having one of those days where everything is so inexplicably painful and melancholic. i'm having one of those invisible days. i'm just having one of those days. and i wish i could talk to someone, but i can't, and all i can cling on to are your words, and the look on your face when you told me i was worth so much more than this and the strain in your voice when i refused to believe you.

there has to be more to life than getting past the teachers, copying homework, trying to stay awake in lectures - and it's just not to be found here. but all this while, i've been telling myself there's so much more to life than i can ever imagine, and just what if, what if there isn't? what if this single hair-thin hope of mine is purely imaginary, a necessary measure to keep myself from slitting my wrists ... and i suppose that's what keeps us from insanity, this small, but sure hope that there is love, there is joy and there is life.

for God so loved the world, He gave his only son so that whoever believed may not perish but have eternal life. JOHN 3:16

at this point, i have to thank you jen. thank you for sending me frequent messages with bible verses in them. i really appreciate those. God is there for me, He is there. i just haven't been seeing it. maybe because i've been refusing to see, maybe because i've been refusing to concentrate on anything else but the present, maybe because i've just been so caught up in worldly happenings to see Him.

i want everything to be right, but now all i can do is trust.

+ posted by M @ 7:04 PM