a few entries back i said everyone was in love. well, i am too. i am rediscovering the Things That Matter.

i am not physically sick. i stayed home today, just to read and maybe watch a bit of tv and then maybe do some of my math before failing tomorrow's test bravely. yes, insane i am. irresponsible, i am. self-centred, i am. but nonetheless, a lot more at peace and a lot happier right now.

and yes, i admit i feel slightly guilty for not being at drama today while the crew gets high on spraypaint, and i feel guilty for knowing how much work i've actually done this year [none] and i feel guilty for basically 'destroying' my academic life and perfect attendance record - but not guilty enough.

i just sat down for a while in bed today, and started reading Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto. in the few minutes and just past the first few pages - i remembered. i remembered what it was like to have a book in your hands and read and read like there's nothing else in existence. to actually think about things, to care about characters that exist only in ink and paper [seemingly, for a character is always but another part of the author], to be there on the page, among the words and to witness in your mind what is happening. to lose track of time and procrastinate and love every moment of it. and perhaps in the long run you will say i shouldn't have spent so much time reading - that i should have spent more of my time studying my math and memorizing my economics concepts - but now is now and right now, i'm immersed in words.

i remember what it is like to feel. i remember what it is like to love.

+ posted by M @ 4:19 PM