i do want to live, ever so badly.

i want life to stun me like a sunburst, the way juice trickles down your chin when you bite into a big fat juicy strawberry, the way your hands get sticky when you eat a peach whole, the way my sister runs around the house screaming and laughing, i want to be overwhelmed with so many colours that my eyes see only colours and blurs of colours and streaks of orange and pink and yellow and blue and that half-smile of yours and the sorrow of your eyes. i want to stand back and think to myself - this is my life that is worth living. i want to go for a poetry reading at martin place and sit there and be amazed and soak in all the words you say and live on them. i want to paint sunflowers and swirls of thick oil paint and get strokes of colour all over the floor, all over my room, all over my skin. i want to love you, if only you'd let me. i want to sit in a coffee place in a big cushy chair and read for hours on end, amidst the buzz and warmth of people commiserating or studying or chatting and laugh out loud at the funny bits and cry when i feel like it, and have everyone else think i've gone insane. i want to slip notes in between the books at borders - silly notes, serious notes, lovey notes - to surprise the random person that buys those books i love. i want to get over my pain and regret and not let it hold me down and realize that this pain and regret makes me human -this ability to feel, it is human, it is beautiful. i want to write till my fingers go numb and then kiss them afterwards and thank my hands for doing me well.

life is beautiful.

+ posted by M @ 7:02 PM