i am a control freak. i have no tolerance for superficiality. in that aspect, you can say i'm a perfectionist. i always want things to be deeper than they are, and when they aren't i get upset because i don't like it that things are 'what you see is what you get'. every single thing that occurs, whether it be a truly mindless article of gossip - i have to get to the deeper meaning of it. there has to be something more.

i'm always looking for something more. i cannot accept that things are as superficial as they seem. i cannot. yes. i am a control freak when it comes to these things. yes, i want people around me to think about things. i want them to see things in different perspectives and to understand thoughts and ideas and the meaning of things. and when they don't, i try to make them. i try to make them understand because i love them. i think i've said that before. i make people read books because i love them. because i read something and i see something so beautiful in it and i wish that person would know to and i want the people i love so desperately to experience the meaning i experience...

i need to change some part of you, some part in the way you think, some part in the way you life - i want to be someone that changes someone, that gets a reaction, that makes you sit up and THINK. that's what i've been doing all my life. and that's why i write. and that's why i blog. and that's why i want the world to read what i write but at the same time i don't because i'm scared and i've never had the courage to publish or read my poetry at readings [carol knows].

i believe that we're powerful. i believe we underestimate ourselves all the time. you probably think this is ridiculous, but i love comic books [had some entry about comic book documentaries quite a while back]. and i watched spiderman the other day, and i just thought about the deeper meaning to it and, 'with great power comes great responsibility' and it is all symbolic. those superhuman powers he possesses are simply an illustration of the power we have in ourselves - the power to touch, to help, to save. we have in us the ability to save lives, to change lives, to mould them. every word, every action, no matter how insignificant we view it as - may break someone, may heal someone. and because we have such a gift, this uniquely human gift of love, we have a moral responsibility to recognize that and to use it 'for the good of mankind'.

yes. we are responsible. me and you and everyone, we are all responsible for each other. even if you're a stranger to me, i have a responsibility to help you, to save you, to heal you - simply because i can. because we have this gift, we HAVE a responsibility to others.

you're so powerful. remember that. the next time you do something, remember that you are responsible because of that power.

that's what i believe.

it is not possible to isolate yourself. no man is an island. i don't believe in isolation - like i said, you have been given this gift. you have a responsibility. no matter how hard you try, you are never going to be able to cut yourself off from the world - it's in the blood, it's in the nature. isolation, building walls, keeping yourself locked in - sure, it keeps the hurt out for a while. but you're living in your own prison. you've caged yourself with your mind. and like in the machine stops - while you may live comfortably in your own little cell, with no hurt, no pain - there is no love. no real joy. no happiness. you are not happy simply due to the lack of sadness. it does not work that way. happiness is not the lack of sadness. they are entirely different emotions, they do not affect one another, they are seperate entities and beautiful in their own right. yes, beautiful because you feel them and that is truth and the truth no matter how much it hurts is always beautiful in its own right. always. because there is a sanctity and purity to it that nothing can remove.

life is beautiful not because it is perfect and there is no hurt and everyone is happy and shiny. life is beautiful because you make it beautiful. understand this.

+ posted by M @ 12:05 AM