if i have Jesus, i have everything
without God, i am nothing

first day of the new term! fresh start! SAT cramtime! time to learn how to do math properly! time to start studying things properly - just time to start working, basically.

am pleased with self. am doing lots of CIP. helping in council invest and hosting hk exchange students. great. resume. looks good. yes.

i really wonder sometimes, would all of this ever amount to anything? what is the most important thing in life? is it love? is it honour? is it respect? is it Doing The Right Thing?

so i'm expected to Do the Right Thing. what is the right thing anyway? why do i do things? why do we want to do things? why do we have to Do the Right Thing? because it makes us feel good? because it is the Right Thing to Do?

God i don't know.

i need a reason for every single thing i do. and i want the reason to be love, to be God, to be LOVE.

we do the right thing because it will make our parents. and why does it make our parents happy? have we ever questioned this happiness? but because it will make them happy, we do it. and because doing the right thing is for the good of all - we do it. WHY is it for the good of all? WHAT is good? is graduating from a topgrade university GOOD?

my friend once told me that if i didn't do all the small things [passing ct, promos, a level etc] i would never be able to get to the bigger things in life. but what are the bigger things in life? work? university? a 9-5 job with a steel rice bowl?

what am i living for?

i want to know. and i suppose no one ever really knows for sure - that's why we keep on living. it's the discovery, the risk, the hope and the dreams that keep us living. the hope for better days which keeps us living. and living. and living. and not just physical life, but LIVING! living in every aspect!

there's a reason, and i'm looking for it.

+ posted by M @ 4:20 PM