sigh. so it seems that we were supposed to collect our rhd cards during some meeting which i didn't go to because i was absent that day. now dm wants letter of explanation/apology/reflection. oh well. and what exactly is that rhd celebration thing at singapore expo. i know nothing about it. shucks. will have to consult other ne reps whom i don't really know very well.
 
this is all part of my BE MORE RESPONSIBLE scheme. sigh.
 
Songen said that scgs girls have the 'mothery look'- in his own words- that's why it makes perfect sense for me to go. I supposed he thinks sc girls have the 'I make good wife and mother' look screaming all over our faces. -from jen's blog
 
gosh. so funny.
 
i haven't written a poem or read something for so so long. actually i wrote something over the weekend, but i don't like it. i'm so frustrated with myself. i have lost it. i just can't express myself anymore. i .. i've lost it. i don't know. i don't know what to say anymore. why am i so inarticulate. why am i so ... it annoys me.
 
cancer of the heart
 
let me
extricate you expel you
from my heart
make the incisions
in a most careful way
trying to reduce the blood
loss
when i tear you
out
 
you ripped me off i rip
you
away before you consume
me
going from the insides
gnawing at the chambers
 
and now i think i've removed
you, like a tumour
malignant
but traces still lingering
clinging on to the walls
of my heart
 
no, it is not you that
cling
it is my insides
that tighten your grip
that refuse to let you
slip through my veins
 
you left me whole
a bite size chunk
you left me with a hole
 
to forget you
i'd have to detach my
whole heart
 
that's what you took
up.
 
it's horrible. sigh. i don't like it. sigh. release me. 
  
                     or i can break and take it with a smile
 
there are so many things i want to say. not say, actually, SCREAM. but i can't. i just can't, because you're not listening.

+ posted by M @ 5:08 PM