why do i feel this way?

these days i just have the urge to do all my filing. ME. FILING. im not a paperwork person. yet.. i have this need to sort out the clutter in my life and erase erase erase.

why? wasn't i happy with things the way they were?

i want a new life. i don't want to be me anymore. i don't want to live like this and do all this anymore.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i just picked myself up and ran. run for my life. emancipation. run away to the seaport and board some ship to anywhere. not by myself, but with you. people say they miss the cushy comfortable life - but i guess it has to be experienced before i really believe the pain of that regret.

comfort or love?! i asked all of you that once.

i make my own life. where to now? where do i go from here? what do i do? why does everyone seem to know what they want when i don't? everything is just so meaningless. the happenings. the pointless laughs. the squabbles. the time when someone makes you feel all warm and happy. even that seems meaningless too. it all just fades away.

the problem with me is that i expect far too much. from people, from friends, from relationships.

i can't stand this. i sound like a very bad version of an angsty teen. and i can't even write coherently anymore...

shucks. i'm going to stop blogging about this for at least a week so i can stop being so disgusting.

+ posted by M @ 5:43 PM