i suppose at this point in time, i have hardly any thoughts. if you asked me, i would not be able to reply you with anything. and most of the time i'm just so tired, so empty, so starved of life.

i do not feel the way i once used to feel. i do not feel. again. it has reverted to that point where there is a lack of feeling. maybe this was what i wanted. looking back on what i used to think; what i used to write; i amaze myself.

this is a stunning realization: i don't love anything anymore.

even my relationship with Christ has taken a bashing. no longer am i able to convey the comfort i find in Him. no longer do i have that ability to inspire those around me to pray, to head to church, to strengthen their faith. not that i was so able before, but i have become worse.

art. literature. God. beauty. truth. love. i used to love all those things. and sometimes, now, there is a brief flicker of recognition when i read a book or when i pass my eyes over pieces of art which is not mine. but the feeling is fleeting - i suppose i am only living on the memory of loving those things.

is it just me? it is just today? is it just this week? what is happening to me? i feel like i'm falling further and further and nothing, no one, is going to catch me and bring me back.

+ posted by M @ 7:56 PM