i peeked at my birthday present today. i didn't even know i got one, because my parent's stopped making a big thing out of my birthday presents since i started 'growing up' and deciding material things weren't such a big issue anymore [harhar. laugh at me all you like. i honestly can't say i really really wanted anything material for the past years].

i only knew i had got one when my mom's friend came over and let slip that my parents had gotten me something.

it was a bang + olufsen bag so i couldn't resist looking. i tried shaking it. no clues from the sound. it was wrapped with that thin, easy-to-tear crepe paper and tied with a ribbon so it was quite a chore to unwrap. i couldn't even unwrap it fully but i managed to see the green outline of

an ipod.

i don't know if it was mini or regular, but it was green, my favourite sort of colour. i didn't even want an ipod that badly. i mean, i don't. sure, i whine about it and say to my brothers every night, 'i want an ipod' but it's one of those things you wish you had for a little while and then forget about - and yet they got one for me. i don't even know how they knew i wanted one because i never express any sort of wishlists to my parents - my brothers must have tipped them off and now they're probably going to get killed by the green-eyed monster.

i'm happy. but i'm feeling more guilty than happy. i don't deserve this expensive gadget which i probably don't know how to use all that well [i'm a technology dummy], i don't deserve anything. all i do is fail tests, not study, go out, watch tv, fall ill and generally make a big nuisance of myself. what did i do to deserve something so good?

sigh. i don't deserve this much care and love and it makes me feel so torn.

+ posted by M @ 11:00 PM