you like who you like, you know what i mean?

- orked in sepet

this echoes what i read in The Last Unicorn, quite some time ago.

i love whom i love.

- prince lir

i like those quotes. today, had drama day camp. yay for nj drama. was a whole day of drama exercises - i liked space jump, very addictive. i've discovered magic. acting is really a whole new thing for me. when you act, when you take on other roles, it's like being someone else and you do things YOU wouldn't do as yourself. when you act, it's alright, anything goes - you're someone else. i like that. i still haven't learnt to really let myself be someone else - it's hard, to drop the self-consciousness, to be totally uninhibited.

i was very high for a couple of hours after that, culminating when i watched the SI results for the very first time tonight [haha] and didn't know it was so exciting! felt so emotional afterwards because that annoying sylvester did not get kicked out. but i suppose everyone has a right to their own dreams - amazing what happens when humans take sides. they believe another is more worthy than the other, but when you really think about it, everyone IS equal in that everyone has an equal right to having a dream and wanting to stay in the competition.

henry has asked me to go kboxing next week. i'm very happy. must now practise jay chou songs every night to get it right for next week. also i read something terence asked me to read that really moved me - not in the positive sense of the word. it hit me, hard. because the writer was writing from his heart, and you could really feel and understand his confusion, his hesitance, his inability to believe.

If you can be bothered to read, this is what he says on his blog:

There's smth I feel compelled to have a go at. Recently attended this service in indoor stadium organised by city harvest. I'm sorta confused. Firstly, how true is the bible. Everyone god beliver will say that it is truthful, its correct Can be provened by past events that really happened. How so. The first parts of bible is questionable, 7 days god created earth. Alrite, lets say god cause he is almighty, great and all this is able. God tells his wadeva stuff to his propherts and so it could be recoreded. Choosing to believe in it or not up to yea.

Next thing. Im quite alarmed at something that I thought takes the entire meaning of religon out. Religon as we all know is more of a self thing, a faith and believe rather than anything that can be experienced or felt. Money was a part of the service. The pastor, Sun's hubby went on to talka a lil abt loving money and asking almighty fer em when we really need it. No doubt a necessity, I take it. But when he asked those abroad, those overseas viewers of the special tv and webcast to donate to city harvest church, its kinda disturbing. Almight if u exist, let me put it straight. Yea city harvest needs money to develope, needs a bigger church, but god belivers, plz know that man are always insatisfiable, never. SO as a church you shouldn't be prompting those overseas to donate to ur church. They could do a kind deed since they are overseas by donating to charity or smth. Surely that's a lil less practicle to you city harvesters, but i think its more worth it to almighty. After all its the faith u pple have not the church eh? I believe almighty, u will share my view?(again if u exist)

Well great one, I think u are either very lucky or very sad. When i witnessed close to 10000 pple at indoor singing their hearts out fer u, praising u in their almighty so great songs, I was touched. The believe they have in u is great. Praising and praising, that's maybe what u shld as creator of their home and everything be given(at least in their believe). But its sad when u examine smth I saw. Someone slping in the midst of a service. So almighty, I wanna put it quite straight to yea, do u think these pple have real faith in u or they are propagandalised to believe in you. I think true believe can only come after u've done smth that seemingly quite impossible fer norm to happen eh? afterall they claim that ur almighty. Rite? I think most dunno what in the world they are worshipping, or rather they know its god, but they are worshipping fer the sake of worshipping. We in this world now can never know any real truths, its a fact, nutting in this 21st century world can be taken as a whole truth anymore as we humans progress. Letme post some question to yea GOD, did yea meant ffer mankind to progress this way? Did yea mean for all the fights in the world. Did yea mean for churches to be built so that pple can worship u? One should be huimble rite? that's morals parents taught, but god since ur like perfect, ain't u suppose to be humble. So then maybe u don't like pple to worship u but fer centuries, we are all blinded. We are all blurred. Maybe even the pope is wrong. Maybe ur not enjoying all these things with regards to ur religon happening at all.

What's this that ur own CHRISTIANS are segregated amongst emselves. What's this that protestants have to fight the catholics? what's this where ur christianity is seperated or rather branched out to many hundreds of christianity types. Did yea meant for this to happen as well? You know the reason why I don believe in you, is not because ur not influential enough pal, in fact ur vey influential with ur churches and stuff like that BUT I simply cannot find the faith. I search for absolute truths which is hard to find in this world probably why I've not accepted faith. Maybe? Well almighty, examine ur followers, do they know what they are praying, do they have the absolute faith, as in faith is not only believe full believe in u. Faith is smth we have to search and I find it amazing but so sad that many teens have faith but wrong faith. they believe in u thru? inspirational speeches by pastors, friends cell grp ldrs etc. Have they really experienced it? Hmm lets ponder alrite? Maybe I just can't agree with u but if ever u received this letter do read it with some thoughts. i might be bias, but u can think why do I think so like that?

these are things i've thought about so many times before, especially the last part. but it was okay because i'm catholic and am relatively clear about things - but this non believer, venturing into these issues, he must be so confused. and i wonder, what kind of image are christians portraying to this guy? after reading this i really feel that we need to constantly re-evaluate what impressions we are making on non believers - and this is so important, because we need to gain their trust and their respect before we can help them know God the way we do. so i think we should always step out and try to look at ourselves from this point of view, because i can just imagine his uneasy state of mind.

and lately, i've been thinking a lot about first love. have i had a first love? was it love? what is love? and i think about how sherman believes the first love is the one you'll love forever and i wonder if it's true. i wonder if we tried at it again would we stay together forever. is it really like that? was it love? so many what ifs. but i think it is special. i know there is one person i can always go to, always talk to about things and we do understand each other, or at least he does understand me more than other people can though i don't like to admit it. it is just this special way of understanding me, i don't know how. things don't just stay in the past, even if it was a few years back.

Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In awhile but you will always be my boo

hmmm. i don't really know how i feel about this, actually.

+ posted by M @ 9:58 PM