something i've always thought about: what's heaven like?

i believe there is a heaven and that i will get there - but what is it? from a superficial point of view, heaven is a place where kids have all the sweets they want, never get nagged by their parents, don't have anymore homework, places like njc do not exist and one doesn't ever feel heartbreak. everyone is laughing and merry and not one person sheds a tear. of course heaven is also centred around God and thus there will be services and praise and worship many a time.

a sort of utopia. perhaps too similar to the utopias displayed in much literature. similar in the idea only, that no one is ever upset and because no one really has any committment to another persons feelings - no one just means that much to anyone anymore and thus no one is able to upset another person.

so are people able to make each other happy anymore? is everyone really perfect then? then all we can do is love one another - but even in love there are rough times.

and will we have any desires? none. our only desire is to worship God in heaven, isn't it? because we are perfect, and that is what our desire should be as of now. so why is it that in the bible it is always written that the poor shall have a feast in heaven - will they still have material desires in heaven? i think not. so what is it about all this feasting and images of getting whatever you want?

because i think in heaven one has no more wants. one is completely at peace, one attains that level of enlightenment [at the risk of sounding corny], so one doesn't want anything anymore! one desires nothing! one wants nothing! and thus how can one have a passion for something, such as literature, if one does not desire any more books? how can one love someone so if one has no desire for that person?

that's why my image of heaven is always one of blandness and of feelingless people. sure everyone is happy and on a permanent sugar high on heaven - but at the same time that's what is so beautiful about this world that we're living in ... there's sadness to balance joy, there's wistfulness, there's poignancy. complex and beautiful human emotions. and if in heaven there's none of that, then, what a lifeless, saccharine place!

but heaven is not supposed to be humanly anyway. we're all supposed to be perfect and centred on God, so why should i think of all this desire for something else ... sigh. as usual i'm confusing myself, but i've thought about this too many times.

my conclusion is that when one gets there, no one desires anything anymore but God. and God is love, so one does not desire love from everyone else. i suppose. because in heaven i don't think anyone recalls their life on earth do they? yes i don't think so. because life on earth is so dastardly according to the bible. because life on earth is a punishment according to the bible. and thus i think all memories of earthly life would be erased once one reaches heaven. i know that i've been taught God is more than enough to fill anyone's needs, and i believe it, but i am unable to apply it at present. because i find myself very much like Joel in the movie Eternal Sunshine, pleading, 'let me keep this memory, please.'

sigh. i can't feel the christmas magic this year. where has it gone?

+ posted by M @ 11:53 AM