face your fears.

well yes, today we had to endure tammy ho's TREASURE HUNT for pe. treasure hunt because we run around the school and observe how many trees there are, what art is on the walls etc etc.

i must say one of my big regrets is not doing art in nj. maybe if i had done so i'd have kept up four subs. but art isn't easy, just that i do like it.

and horrors of horrors we had to do that climb up and down the GRASSY SLOPE BY THE BASKETBALL COURTS TOO which we witnessed other classes doing about three times yesterday. the reality of it didn't actually hit me till i was faced with the slope today. thankfully we took a much longer run around school and thus only did the circuit once. but it was bad enough. i've never been scared of heights. i'm scared of slopes. funny how phobias grow in people. i used to blade around bukit timah a lot when i was twelve and went down this extremely steep slope many a time [it's around the shelford area, yes, main road, near the shophouses] on blades without much fear. somehow one day when i was in sec one i went down it as per usual, lost control and crashed into one of the gates of the houses along the slope. had a big bruise on my face for weeks and after that i never bladed again. and i used to love it. still haven't touched my blades to this day, and i think i've probably outgrown them already.

well. i had to go down the grassy slope today. honestly, i was, very, very, scared. after i got down i was really drenched in cold sweat. at first i was planning to crawl down it. and i probably wouldn't even have succeeded in crawling down because i kept telling myself, 'must be brave, must be brave' before i attempted but once i had to do it my mind could only concentrate on my fear and i forgot about God. thankfully, ter came and i held on to his hand all the way down. i was really GRIPPING on for dear life. even when holding my friend's hand, i was still crouching down. that's how paranoid i was. fear is an irrational thing. only after more steps did i trust that ter, mr. canoe captain, wouldn't let me fall and so i stood up as much as i could and 'walked' down. trust. an important thing. when it was over i was really all clammy. but i did it, i didn't lose control and fall to my death.

so ter, if you're reading this, thank you. i'm not good at showing gratitude, but i'd like you to know that without you helping me this morning i probably would have crashed into the barbwire [AND DIED].

also on further reflection, i find that i am, in a way, privileged. many screaming j1 girls would have loved the opportunity to hold on to ter. haha.

God is always there. in the form of friends and loved ones. God is always there.

note to self : YOU HAVE TO TOUGHEN UP, MEL.

+ posted by M @ 2:47 PM