did not go to school today. i think i'm coming down with the flu. went to see a doc. but whenever i see the docs for flu stuff i never take the medicine cos i have this weird belief about body's self recovery when it comes to flu. so i go just for the mc to please the school admin. wasted medicine. maybe i should take it. but i don't like taking medicine for passing flu.

i hate it. i hate it that i'm so weak and when i think back i realize i've been skipping one day of school every week since the year started. i'm really that weak. i want to be strong, and i'm determined to get stronger.

didn't cancel my boxing class today despite everything because i've been on such a long boxing hiatus i didn't want to. i've really become very weak over the break. my hook is really off center now and i kept getting all the combinations wrong. ducking when i'm not supposed to. jabbing when i'm supposed to cross. throwing sloppy punches. i feel so weak. and maybe i should have canceled class because now my hands keep trembling.

sigh. clearly i am asking for it.

damn. damn. damn. it's no longer like last year when i skip school with every intention of skipping school. i now know it's bad to skip school. but nowadays i feel so physically weak i just don't go. and the insomnia, staying up almost every night till two until i can't just take it and crash like yesterday. every week it's like that. many nights of sleepless nights until one day i feel tired and i just cannot get up.

or maybe it is all in the mind. sickness is a state of mind. i can do it. i can be strong. God help me be strong. i am determined. throughout the whole lent period i am not going to skip a single day of school. even if every bone in my body is aching to stay in bed, i am not going to. i am not going to. i am going to be strong. i cannot be pathetic and weak. i am going to get up and go. how pathetic right, that a simple act of going to school five days a week is such a hard thing for me to do? i cannot be like this. i cannot. i wasn't like this in sc. and i refuse to be this way now.

+ posted by M @ 5:40 PM