i am not in a good mood.

i haven't been happy for a very long time. and it was made worse when yesterday in the morning i pondered over an ever-so-important question - 'am i actually going to pass any of the common test papers i took?'

and I TOOK MATH HISTORY LIT. three subjects only and i'm still going to screw up. God, mel, you have to wake up. yesterday's lit paper was screwed. herbert. honestly, i never felt that way before. like i wanted to just sit there and give up and cry. and it wasn't like it was such a difficult paper right? i just sucked.

after that, maybe with a combination of hormones, i seriously felt bad and self-destructive. i didn't even know where i wanted to go. none of us went out after the paper, i think we were all just sick of the whole thing. i walked home halfway before realizing that i didn't feel like going home and in the end got on the bus to borders by myself. wandered about borders feeling very upset and frustrated - they rearranged the whole literature section - POETRY SECTION IS LIKE NEXT TO THE PHILO/RELIGION SECTION NOW. it's not cosy anymore. i felt like my space was being invaded because i had to share it with all the philo and religion people. i know borders is a public place, but ... sigh. the literature section used to be nice and relatively empty. and i could find no solace in any poetry. i was just plucking out books and not even reading whole poems. nothing worked. yeah well, stupidly enough, i was trying to find comfort in the very thing that screwed me up yesterday.

i wasn't even happy over easter. honestly. i was trying to be all enthusiastic because i know it's a time of great joy and even now we should be happy. but i'm just not. and yesterday, i felt like i was never going to smile again. that whole harry potter thing with those black shroudy things? yeah i felt like i was attacked by one of them [im sorry i dont know the names, i'm not a harry potter person].

when did i ever become such a dastardly glooming person.

+ posted by M @ 11:40 AM