this isn't the first time i've stayed home alone.

but somehow it feels a lot more different this time even though my grandparents come over at night. but well, it feels strange to come back to a room that has been totally untouched - usually all my stuff would be rearranged by my mom or something because she can't take my messiness and when i get home i feel baffled. and it's nice in a way, to have things where i put them, but i also miss the little touches of home - the little things like these shifting of my belongings by seemingly invisible hands that reminds me i'm not alone.

i don't know how i'm going to handle living alone. everyday i wake at whatever time i want and then go to town to do some SAT prepwork. it's a very lonely, dry existence. i'm feeling especially detached as i walk through town on my own and this is not good. well not everyday, but today and yesterday feels like repetition enough. and plus, today i was alone in my studying. not a very fruitful day, even though i completed a 3 hour paper i was very distracted. i shall not try out places like orchard library and will just stick to wheelock from now on.

because it is impossible to get a table at orchard library and it is not possible to hover while waiting for someone to finish studying unlike being able to hover over someone eating his last mouthfuls of cake. and anyway, i hate hovering in any case though in places like foodcourts it is necessary.

so i went to orchard library, couldn't find a place. went to coffee club inside kinokuniya. ordered a drink i didn't want and didn't finish. i always get seated next to people who have meaninglessly interesting conversations. then i took a break after 6 sections. bad move. i got extremely distracted by the literature section and now i have a desire to purchase even more books on top of the ones i have not finished [i bought Greene's Orient Express and The Heart of the Matter yesterday. yes, i have no self control]. anyway i went back to orchard library in hopes of getting a place. did not get one. went to wheelock and sat opposite my usual spot [yes after one day it is my 'usual spot'. how easily we claim things]. finished my paper, wrote out some quotes i liked on pieces of paper and went about borders putting them in certain books in the literature section. i had to do this quite carefully so people wouldn't see me. felt very exciting and spy-like of sorts.

so that's pretty much my day [inclusive of a lot of browsing around and finding certain poems by certain people published in certain books]. i know this is bland ... but somehow today felt special.

+ posted by M @ 7:33 PM