i am sick with laryngitis [i think thats how its spelt] and i should be sleeping so i can recover faster but i kept getting nightmares. not typical nightmares - God i don't even know if they're nightmares. just had repetitive dreams about not being able to move, and something was always always holding me down. and before that i kept dreaming about hacking our way through a jungle of trees - obviously offset by repeated study of Heart Of Darkness. bea calls the 'paralysed dreams' spiritual attacks, but the thought of that is just far too scary. i just feel so worried about the rest of the week and the rest of my life. i miss being in the cenacle. i feel annoyed with myself for getting sick and missing school but i guess it can't be helped [?], i managed to stave off the flu/sore throat/fever bug that hit my family for like two months already.

i want to drop out of school. i want to watch films like there is no tomorrow. see the thing about me is that even though i know i need to study i'll make the time to watch a good film on HBO from like 11 onwards and go to school totally wired. last night i had to complete Requiem For a Dream which yuehan kindly lent me without me asking ['you should watch this'] and on sunday i watched Neil Simon's The Goodbye Girl.

sigh. i feel so utterly and hopelessly lost. and right now i must get back to work, and not waste the day.

+ posted by M @ 1:32 PM