you know, the NJCanoeists may be on to something with their whole 'Pain is Temporary, But Glory is Forever' mantra. i thought it was a load of hogwash when mandy quoted it in relation to our situation of studying for the common tests [ha look HOW that turned out!], but now as my NJDrama career draws to a close, i see the sense in the words.

after my anger towards CCA best practices has been quelled [by not having to have anything to do with it], i am beginning to feel deeply sentimental about friday's elections. i know after Dramafest i was all ready to step down and give up the stress and short deadlines and annoying schizo teacher but now i'm having problems letting go. when i think about it, maybe 'glory' isn't the right word to use - i never liked the word much, just SO exaggeratingly elevating to the extent of sounding pretentious - and i don't know what fits; the point is, despite all the stress, i'd gladly do it all over again. run for exco with impromptu speech, try to hold together the crumbling cca, organize open day and lunchtime plays with zero experience, having that ONE DAY camp, then the frantic but well put together cca fair, the first meeting we chaired, so many things, in between get seriously pissed with exco and teacher, and finally, DRAMAFEST.

dramafest was really the fruit of our labours. i mean though we tried hard to have regular meetings [unlike the previous exco], dramafest was really the glue. it brought us together, it helped us recognize each other. that's why i can understand why TSD people are so cliquey and close [as vjc people accuse them of being] - because putting together a production, getting screamed at by a schizo teacher in the LT late, having to perfect lighting costume acting timing set house publicity, SIMULATING REALITY, CREATING ART, 'MAINTAINING THE ILLUSION' etc is a TOTAL BONDING EXPERIENCE. i don't know how to explain it. maybe because we've all gone through something personal - maybe because putting up a show and in that sense PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE to be judged by strangers is a fiercely personal and SHARED experience. and it just binds us all together.

we're not as united as other ccas. okay. we're really small. okay. we're not as high profile as other schools' drama societies. okay. we don't exist. okay. people say all those things about us. and they may be right, but the thing is - I DON'T CARE. I DON'T BLOODY CARE. after all's been said and done, i don't for a second wish i had been in another school's drama society, albeit it being a technically better one. I LOVE NJDRAMA.

we humans are such masochists by nature aren't we? always loving the things that hurt us the most. always wanting to carry on even though we know it will be a painful and stressful process. but i guess in the end - the pain was worth it, and the GOOD really outweighs the bad. i have done something i didn't want to do. i have formed an attachment to nj in the form of Drama. and i'm glad and thankful God gave me this opportunity.

sheesh i'm already getting so melodramatic now. i hope i don't end up sobbing on friday itself. theatre, forever.

+ posted by M @ 10:49 PM