last official day of school. some people were nostalgic, sad etc. but i didn't really feel anything, honestly. first of all, we were made to sit on the floor for our farewell assembly [so typical nj] and listen to our principal praise herself and the school admin/teachers for half of the 'farewell speech' [with regards to teachers, i do think they deserve the credit, but the admin? oh, don't lie] and then relate one of those stories you find in forwarded e-mails ['are you the carrot, egg or coffee bean?']. there's nothing wrong with telling a story - it's just better if it's a real incident and not some cliche you found in a motivational book. i hate that kind of stuff. hate it. it's so plastic. poetry holds far more meaning than a self-help book written by some random 'i've-got-a-phD-and-therefore-i-KNOW-how-you-should-live-your-life' person in hopes of earning a quick buck.

i admit that the presentation from the teachers were nice, but as they flashed slide by slide and once i realized i was never getting a drama slide [lit wing, college pub and debate got theirs. i was hoping benzie found a little shred of something in himself to give us a note. obviously not.] i couldn't really be bothered. plus they played cheesy orientation 04 music in hopes of making us all nostalgic - but it really didn't work on me. the cheers? the electric guitar school song? give me a break.

okay, maybe i'm sounding far too bitter and negative here but i really didn't feel much about graduating from njc, and that makes me kind of sad, in a way.

i just wish all the speeches wouldn't be so centred on Grades. i mean, yes, the A Levels are immediate, and yes it is great to do well. but if you don't it's not the end of the world. life goes on and people are successful in different ways. i wish that they would let the Students of Singapore know that, instead of narrowing their scope down so much to the A Levels that 'bad results/fear of bad results' has become quite a common cause for suicide cases. you are not a failure if you don't do well in the A Levels, and we should spend more time letting people know this TRUTH.

sometimes i think this whole system is such a great big farce i don't know how i haven't suffocated yet.

on a much brighter note, despite all that angst up there, today was really quite a nice day. people ate my nightmare cupcakes and i had a good time watching them get chocolate and marshmello cream all over their hands. one guy i didn't really know ate two at one go ['there's a lot of sugar in this? really?'], which was nice. then i studied in the library with dav and accomplished some math, started on some lit. after which i decided to walk home.

i haven't been walking home for a long time, been feeling a bit tired i suppose, but today i decided to. i really enjoyed it, as usual. the feeling of being deaf to the world because of the music in your ears. the feeling of not knowing anyone i walk past and them not knowing me. the feeling of walking underneath the highway and thinking 'cars are racing across the floor above me now' - the world is rushing on and for that moment under the highway i feel like time is suspended. watching the magpie and the sun streak the sky. serenity and tranquility is really something i appreciate. and so i guess i would like to school in the suburbs, even though for a long while i thought it would bore me.

today was also a good day because my grandparents came over for dinner. in fact, that was the icing on this cake of a day. my grandmother cooked [always a special occasion, because she rarely does it nowadays but is so good at it] and i just felt so overwhelmed by their love. i love it when my grandmother cooks for us because you know its her way of showing love because the older generation is not quite so used to saying right out loud, 'i love you'. there's so much tenderness in this almost shy way of showing care and concern - she asks, 'do you like it? is it tasty?'. everytime i meet them i feel so much love freely flowing out of them, and they don't have to say it. i just know it, i can just feel it, and it's wonderful. it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to be with them and feel this way. this must be what true love is like - a love that speaks so strongly for itself it doesn't have to be said at all. and everytime they leave, my grandfather will tell us 'thank you, i have enjoyed this time with my grandchildren a lot'. it confounds me, sometimes, how i can mean so much to someone that they would simply enjoy my presence. it's a very nice feeling.

so now i'm feeling very full and happy and motivated to continue studying my lit tonight[measure for measure is actually really interesting now].

every time i listen to the song 'love will come through' by Travis, i feel strangely hopeful. LOVE WILL COME THROUGH! indeed.

+ posted by M @ 9:16 PM