maybe this isn't going to be as easy as i thought it would be.

it's hard when half the songs in my ipod remind me of you, not to mention that half of my phone's contents remind me of you as well. both of which are constantly at my disposal. everywhere i glance, i make instant connections in my head - almost all of them to you. something triggers off something which in turn triggers off something and eventually i'm faced with the memory of the time i smiled when you said this, or that, or something else.

not a good time at all, for this. but when has life ever gone according to plan? maybe i should have told you i wasn't going to wait forever, like i planned to tell you but never did. and now, i realize that it wasn't just me, it was the both of us that couldn't carry on this game of waiting for the other.

yes, i will miss all the little things you do and say [because i will always remember that which you did and said]. and somehow, out of a desperation to have clarity, i partly wish i could erase this, forget this temporarily so i can get on with things. but erasing memories don't help much, do they? and ultimately, i can't bear to erase the contents of my phone, my ipod. it makes it harder at present, but what's the use in pretending things never happened? when they did, and when some time in the not so distant future i will look at these things again and not feel the wistfulness i feel now, but rather, the happiness of those times.

don't get me wrong. there are a lot of maybes, a lot of what ifs, a lot of wishes to forget so as not to feel this constantly.

but there are no regrets. this time, i don't regret anything. it feels right this way, though it is painful. things that are right aren't always happy.





alright. enough, this is enough to live with now.

+ posted by M @ 2:59 AM