another emo post that you really shouldn't be reading

you know, things aren't going so great. there are lots of temporary, momentary respites and then i slide back into this deep pit of nothingness. i'm beginning to think life is one big quilt of patchwork moments and that nothing really means anything on its own - life seems to be disjointed and confusing and not something that makes sense when looked at on a whole.

i really have no idea why everything just seems to look so bad right now. i'm really at a low point right now and nothing is working out. no one to talk to - which is why i'm here typing up seemingly typical angstridden drivel. life is strange, this is strange. my parents suspect that i might be chemically imbalanced. i have gone through periods of depression unknown to many and i suppose at times only my family have inevitably bore witness to them.

i don't know. i'm hoping they're just phases everyone goes through and nothing to be medically concerned about? i can't see myself taking prozac.

whine whine whine. complain complain complain. i'm not usually like this, am i? i really don't know what is happening. i really don't know. why does my life seem so pathetic and meaningless? why do I seem so pathetic and meaningless? is it because i'm standing on the periphery of life - that a whole big chunk of my life has just ended and been laid to rest - that i have to move on to other things but i don't know where i'm headed and how? is it because i have to deal with so many larger issues now that i'm no longer conveniently distracted by things like exams and schoolwork?

why can't i bring myself to do all i've set out to do. why do i feel so hopelessly alone and ... surreal. i feel displaced and detached - i need to take some classes, but yet i'm leaving Singapore in three weeks and so i can't - so here i am, stuck in limbo. i bloody hate being stuck in limbo. halfway there. i can't seem to do anything, accomplish anything. i'm going mad, i am really really going mad.

and i wish that God were here. where are you God? because at present i don't feel You at all. despite prayer and mass ... i really don't feel Your presence, i really don't and i really can't.

+ posted by M @ 9:44 PM