i really miss everyone, a lot. i don't know why but i've been getting so nostalgic these days. i miss charmelia and the way she cares so much. i miss kai. i miss holding hands with jen and jas in class. i miss having yings behind me. i miss yilin and jen's strange but amusing antics together. i miss dawn and going to RCIY with her (i really miss this, dawn! it meant a lot that we were both discovering more about church together for the first time). i miss shirin exclaiming, 'i want to have sex!' (i remember this! i don't know if anyone else does). i miss angela's intrusion into our classroom every breaktime (PR wouldn't have been the same without you, you know). i miss gayle, chalene, bea, sam (chalene and gayle's laughter!). i miss sabrin's squealing. i miss every other quirk i just miss everything. i miss having people to talk to about The Things That Matter - carol, dawn, jen, gayle. plenty of these people to be found in sc, and in my two years in nj i haven't come across anyone like that. no one.

i miss the first three months of jc life, when on our first day of orientation we'd all swap stories. i still remember bea telling me on the phone, 'mel, no one could have had a worse day than me'. and kai saying it was boring. and cel saying she got stuck with a bad ogl. and everyone generally feeling sad, but laughing about it with each other. i miss that we all needed to see each other and meet up (it doesn't seem that way anymore). i miss bumming around with mandy after school in njc almost everyday before we got more settled. i'd call her or she'd call me and we'd hang around in my class or somewhere.

i've come to this stunning realization that i am truly scgs-sick. for the past year i've seemingly been okay, managing without going back to sc for all the concerts and celebrations (not deliberately). but now i feel like i really can't do without. i want to go back - and yet i know that even when i go back all will greet me is the building. and beautiful as the she is on her own, it simply isn't the same without the people i know and love. to be truly cured of sc-sickness, i think, we'd have to go back in time. but we can't do that. it's best to just smile, and move on.

maybe i'm so nostalgic because as i take the A levels, i inadvertently think of when i took the O levels. and somehow, taking the O levels wasn't quite so bad. it wasn't half as sterile. we'd all be together, holding hands, praying, hanging around the aisles of the hall before our paper. kai calmly wishing me good luck. chalene organizing prayer sessions and giving my hand a squeeze before the paper. chalene and her cute photocopied fliers. GOD I REALLY MISS CHALENE! everyone a familiar face in the hall in their powderblue uniforms (even non-classmates). right now, when i glance around the hall i see many people i do not know at all, and it scares me. i'm in a room with hundreds of strangers, and it feels so terribly terribly cold and lonely.

i really miss you guys. really, really, really. i sound pathetic whining like this but i don't know why i am just feeling so sad (maybe it's the antibiotics).

+ posted by M @ 4:10 PM