love is watching someone die

yet another weird night, which resulted in me not turning in til 7am. instead i watched two movies, High Fidelity - which in my opinion was not all that great. and, yes, A Walk To Remember because i was out to make myself cry or try to feel something. somehow, despite all the cynicism and numbness i was feeling last night, that movie still has the ability to make me cry my eyes out, completely.

i think if Nicholas Sparks collected all the tears he's wrung out from poor, unsuspecting audiences all over the world (for The Notebook, AWTR, Message In A Bottle), he'll have enough water to flood Singapore and maybe Malaysia as well. God.

anyway, he doesn't play fair. he uses a formula for his tear-jerkers. someone always dies or is sick with something. plus mending family ties and all that sap.

it's rather sad that i've cried harder at this movie than i have at anything else for a very long time. sometimes i think it's quite depressing that i so often turn to fiction for a release, but people just don't seem to work quite as well. or maybe i'm not trying hard enough?

i've come to the conclusion last night that i'm incredibly unhappy with everything for too many reasons and for none at all. and that i need to do something about it, even if on my own. i can't keep waiting and hoping someone will come along to help me out because that's just how life is. most of the time, you're on your own.

'we live as we dream, alone' (maybe i've taken this existentialism thing a bit too far, but somehow the world seems rather black now. looks like no matter how old i get i just can't shake off teenage angst)

+ posted by M @ 2:13 PM