the 'nahhh-won't-happen-to-me' thought of not getting into university is fast becoming a reality with every paper that goes by.

international history was a dastardly affair. the sad thing is, i actually felt really confident for it because of mark lo. i mean, i wrote like the most practice essays for history i have ever written in all my past 5 years of doing the subject altogether. that has GOT to count for some sort of effort. but all has come to naught and i suppose only the hc/rj kids who study EVERYTHING will be 'rewarded'.

so, i deserve it, i guess, to some extent. and that is a horrible thought.

i think if worse comes to worse i'll take a year off to accumulate a portfolio for NAFA/LA SALLE and end up doing art or something enriching. well, actually no. i wouldn't mind, BUT i think my parents will tell me i've destroyed my life and they'll never want anything to do with me again, really. which is another horrible thought.

oh and tonight i'm seeing two cousins who went to Yale at a family dinner, which is like, greattt. but how happy can they be anyway, working in The Company. what's the use of going to Yale if you're going to work in The Company (trying to console myself here, with the human nature George Eliot would disapprove of) - God help me so if i ever find myself in a corporate job, especially one in The Company.

but today is Lit 8, so i should be happy. i'm a bit excited to see what they throw at us (there are rumours aflying that we might get some local writing), and i really don't want to mess this one up because i like this paper and i like the whitby. IH AND E8 are supposed to be the STRONG ones. ahhhhh.

+ posted by M @ 10:36 AM