resolute!

anyway, i have made the decision NOT to waste these free months. right now i'm not exactly free because i still have to do college apps - oh God help me - for the various US universities and i pray and hope the A levels will be okay, but you know, they're done and no point worrying about them. so as of today, i will stop mentioning the A levels because it is in the past.

i am quite excited and DETERMINED not to waste my holidays by going out every other day to town and numbing myself into a meaningless existence by shopping and eating. instead, i've decided i will really get in touch with my writing and join several poetry competitions - i will make myself write. yes, i must discipline myself. a lot of the times during the exams i got certain inspirations and i drove them away because i was too tired and lazy to write and now i have completely forgotten. now that my exams are over i have no excuse! (no matter how flimsy the A level excuse was) so my writing is definitely something i am going to work on quite carefully.

i will spend more time with myself and with films and art. and yes, i will clear out my drawing table and start using it again - i've already got some ideas for an art piece i want to start working on. i will read more. i will think more and i will live more and i will not be apathetic. yes, i will live more, even if by myself. i will be happy. really really want to work more on art. maybe will take classes at NAFA or something.

also will start looking into jobs although i think i will start work next year because i am going away in mid-december. and my first few months next year will probably be preoccupied with working the film job thing, so. am also thinking about teaching somewhere, just to see what it's like and to see if it's something i can see myself doing in the future (yes, i am thinking about becoming a teacher, yes, me, the one who raves about the evils of MOE) because really, it looks like quite a possibility right now ... and i might not like many things but i've seen plenty of literature teachers who depart from the regimented MOE system and i don't mind that. not sure if i want to back to SCGS but i don't want to go to some intimidating, unfamiliar school when i've had no experience whatsoever, so, hmm.

AND, want to travel! does not really matter where, even short trip to australia to visit kai will suffice, just want to get the feel of travelling by self. will also learn to cook more local foods. will also clear and do up room nicely. and oh yes, i think i will overcome fear of driving and learn to drive. i will no longer be mel who does not even dare to drive a go-kart, but mel who knows how to drive. though i really can't imagine driving myself around, i will learn it anyhow.

most importantly, will go back to church more for ED things and stuff. need to pursue God actively.

plans don't usually work for me, but i really am NOT going to waste my time, i am NOTTTT. i can no longer stand my habit of never accomplishing what i set out to do, and this time i am really going to do it. i am realllllyyy going to do it. PSYCHED.

+ posted by M @ 8:58 PM