okay, so it's new year's eve, the rest of my RD applications are due REALLY soon and i have not done them up properly. AHH. shall we say AHHHH?! lucky for the time difference, BUT STILL OMG?!

the life of the procrastinator is a horrible one. i want a chicago t-shirt. i have a tshirt with words about new york on it. i have a boston lobster (?) shirt. and there are plenty of california shirts being sold all over the place (that don't interest me. East Coast pride, man) but what i really want is a CHICAGO t-shirt! am obsessed with all things Chicago and want to learn much more about the city itself.

anyway, on a more retrospective, introspective note, it's new year's eve. it will be 2006 soon. i feel like new year's eve is overrated because so far all my past new year's eves have been full of promise but the years following them haven't exactly lived up. i clearly remember chancing upon something i wrote about 2004 two years ago (on the brink of njc life) and i wrote that 2004 would be a special year where big things would happen and so on.

well, not really. i don't think anything BIG BIG has really happened to me these past two years of my JC life chapter. so, no, i don't have a special tingly feeling about 2006. and even if i do, it's just romanticism. i don't expect big things out of 2006, i don't expect my life to magically change, but i'll give it one thing. university is a heck lot bigger than JC, and going away to Chicago (if i really eventually get to go) will be BIG. so yes, 2006 will be exciting! i will get to work, i will hopefully get to travel on my own, i will get to drive, i will get to experience life without school for six months and maybe i'll discover more about myself without being bogged down by the superfluous things such as school which have sucked my time for the past 12 years of my life.

somehow i feel i can't have 2004 without 2005. these years can't be viewed separately. they're like two years rolled into one, honestly. how many people feel that way? it's all because of jc, i tell you. so, the last two years will be CLOSED, OVER, DONE, GOODBYE! i want to really really neatly close this chapter of my life and mooooooove on. there are some people who will be left behind, some people i've met (though not through jc life) that i will still talk to, some i won't. whichever. the people i'm STILL talking to today (especially mandy and bea! yes, life support in njc!) - you mean a lot to me (!), here's to another year of friendship with you guys. and YOU, you may not know it, but you've always been there and for that i thank you and i look forward to yet another year with you. you're one of the few who didn't really succumb to the jc pause button and it's great! it's very exciting, isn't it?

it's funny, but ever since jc has been over, it's like my life has started again. jc was just this big PAUSE BUTTON which stayed on for two years. now that it's over, i've gone back to how life was before jc, pretty much. i can meet the gang now more than ever - during the two years we barely met because we were so tied down with jc things. lately we've seen each other more than we have in two years! we've just gravitated back to each other, and at the end of it all i think we're just really the ones who are going to stick together. it's like we're taking this free time after 2 years of barely talking to really carry on where we left off and it's just going on like we never ended! it was a bit unnatural at first, to be able to see each other so often but it's really great and i'm glad we're meeting again next wednesday even though i just saw them last night!

so i think right now it's just all about the people people people these past two years. the people i love who have stayed with me right through and now that it's over, YES, NEW BEGINNINGS TOGETHER! and i'm feeling very happy right now and i don't really have many reflective things to say because what the hell, New Year's Eve reflections and countdowns and whatnot are OVERRATED and i'm just going to let the year unfold in the way it inevitably will.

+ posted by M @ 7:10 PM