it has occurred to me just how much i don't know about people, even those that seem to be my closest friends. i mean, naturally this is an issue everyone deals with - but the impact of it is only really sinking in right now. and i suppose on the other hand, a lot of people don't really know me either - quite a few people upon accidentally discovering this blog have told me that they're not really sure of who i am at all. it is hard to reconcile who i really am to what people see and it's going to be a long while before that happens. naturally, this blog isn't a complete reflection of the person i really am either. everyone is a stranger in this world in some way or another and i wish it wasn't so.

anyway i've been thinking about this little country i live in quite a lot. sometimes i feel amazed at how we've managed to survive and sometimes i feel very scared about the way we live. read this, it scares me a lot, even though it's fairly back-dated. and i've been thinking about our arts scene and i feel that a lot of the time the art here doesn't reflect our society much at all - talent is either used to mock society (as seen in Oh So Many theatrical performances) or break away from it (we're always emulating the westerners, trying to be something else). our art doesn't have any identity to it because i think as a country we lack an identity. who are we, really? i don't know either. we're all a very confused bunch of people, some of which feel alienated from the country itself (like me). is the Merlion, laksa and MRT all we have to our name? sure, there are many things that make us Unique - but they're all a result of borrowed cultures which have been overmixed. we're a mutt of a country - Singapore is an identity crisis. and so it amazed me that i have never really thought about it before, that this IS our identity. we have an identity - our identity is our identity crisis. get where i'm going with this? realized this upon talking to Yuehan about the usual subject matter of our local film and felt so .. inspired! he thinks if anything, a film should be made about our identity crisis. and it just hit me that i have to unearth this, i have to think about this, i have to do this! the months ahead are going to be very interesting indeed, as i think about this a lot more and embark on my exploration of Singapore, a country i've lived in but never really knew.

+ posted by M @ 6:29 PM