somehow i'm neither here nor there

the past few days have been rather sobering. January 3rd, Tuesday, when school and work started for the rest of Singapore. and for some, NS. it's rather surreal to know that Van is in BMT right now, sweating it out like all the other guys and i feel oddly proud of this feminist statement (though normally i'm not very feministic). SAF scholar, hell yeah.

walking through town and having a laidback subway lunch with Davie, joining a non-existent queue at the lido box office, watching The Family Stone (which was crap, pure crap, save yourself some money and time and skip this movie) in a relatively empty cinema - all on the 'first day of school' as i still referred it. i'm still looking at the time in front of me as 'X' day of school, it's strange isn't it? i see all these students out and about in town in their purposely sloppily worn and altered uniforms and find that i'm technically past all that. it's taking quite awhile to sink in, though i think i've adjusted to school-less life just fine - i don't wake up automatically at 6.30 or absentmindedly think about what lessons i have the next day. i could get used to this life, alright. but the truth is, i crave a routine and i can't really stand being stuck in limbo. yet i find i'm dragging my feet over work, but i suppose i should really commit myself to the job soon and start getting into a different way of life. i'm almost an 'adult' now, technically. i've been saying and thinking 'technically' a lot. because technically i'm at a different point of my life now. technically i'm an adult. technically i'm free to do whatever i like. technically, technically, technically. perhaps i should consider capitalizing my writing properly now.

it also makes it feel extra funny that i'm watching my brothers move on to 'milestones' in their lives as students. one brother has started GEP, another brother has gone to The Chinese High to join the others, one brother must now wear the HCI uniform. and my sister has started nursery school. whereas i'm just sort of hanging around at home. it's only been 3 days and i feel queer - but maybe that's just it, it'll probably feel less queer after a month.

it's really time to read a lot more and actually do things. i have half a mind to somehow discard of my computer because it is an evil minute-munching monster. ah, alliteration. i'm scared of having my brain disintegrate into a slush, really scared, which is why i think teaching might be a pretty good idea for a job.

+ posted by M @ 8:28 PM