there are some DVDs i really want to get off AMAZON but can't because they're only available second-hand and the sellers don't ship to Singapore. it's times like these i get annoyed that we are just, like, not acknowledged or something. yes, i am spoilt and i know it.

anyone know of any places i can find pretty offbeat stuff? am interested in the film Fickende Fishe right now.

also i really want to watch The Candlestickmaker AND Krishnan's Diary. though it's at the DBS arts centre and i'm kind of reluctant to pay the price for it because of that. why do we have such sucky theatres? i could make a whole list of places which i feel are a rip-off to pay for (jubilee hall being one of them). i've been spending all my money on cab fare, food on the weekends (on the weekdays i don't have to spend a single cent on meals, due to 'free' cedele lunch and the food that is readily available at cake, and i like it that way) and things to see.

to be completely economical about it, film gives you more bang for your buck. no matter where you sit, you'll definitely be able to see the actor's faces and expressions very clearly and hear them well. i haven't seen a good film for a long time. i watched half of Imelda the other night because it was all i had time for before my brain went dead and she is amazing. but only because of the level of self-delusion she is capable of. it's honestly a sort of art, to be that deluded. i suppose we all are to a certain extent, but i think i at least am aware of it most of the time. i hope, anyway. everyone says that artists all need to be a bit up in the clouds and detached in order to be able to create art ... i just don't know how true that is. it's rather ironic in a sense, because the most moving art, i've found, is naturalistic and possesses great verisimilitude. how does one do that if you're always up in the clouds? artists have to possess a great sensitivity and awareness of reality ... yet be able to suspend it. so basically, the more real a film/play/book is, the more reality is suspended for the viewer/reader. absolutely fascinating, isn't it?

oh, the wonderful things i discover while rambling and typing in this little white box.

also, i've discovered that my colleague knows how to make Teh Tarik because i was fooling around during my stafflunch order on friday and asked for 'TEH TARIK PLZZ' on the order chit and she said, 'you really want it? i DO know how to do it. hot or cold?' and while it's not completely authentic (but she uses gweilo teapackets and NON-carnation milk and ORGANIC UNREFINED sugar from the bar to do it ... so for the stuff she uses, it really does turn out pretty well!), having it for lunch is very comforting for me in some strange way. it is also very tasty. i think i could just have it for lunch by itself. i'm kind of sick of all the gweilo food that i eat everyday though it's free. cannot drink too much Teh Tarik though, as is v unhealthy. but maybe will go on some sort of Teh Tarik fast and publish some new wave diet book - 'The 14-day Teh Tarik Fast' and then earn oodles of money from Singaporeans who love their Teh Tarik.

okay, i'm beginning to sound annoyingly inane and i'm aware of it. will stop now.

it's beautifully true what jon brion says - 'everything is a memory with strings that tie to you'.

like how milk tea/nai-cha will always remind me of zhaowei because it was quite a daily affair during lunchbreaks and i do miss zhaowei and the people there and they said i could visit them but it would make me feel juvenile to visit them as though i'm visiting my secondary school/junior college. so i tell myself not to miss it because somehow, it's not like school which you're allowed to miss but a job that people are supposed to move on from. in the grown-up world, life moves on inevitably, frequently and necessarily, i think. it seems that way, at least. i don't want to be an adult in that sense (i like being sentimental and find 'moving on' sort of clinical), but i know i can't remain a child forever. i'm going to be 19 and i realize why i'm so scared of it - i use my youth as an excuse for a lot of things and as i get older i will eventually lose that excuse. i'm also losing a lot of time, i can't buy time anymore with my youth. it scares me to no end, really.

in response to : WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? which a lot of people have asked lately - i'm just kind of busy, and i can't wait till i won't be. really am not going to work anymore unpaid 'industry' gigs after QP is over. i need some time for myself and for the dear people i won't be seeing for great lengths of time after i leave for chicago this september. i can only hope that i won't become completely bored.

+ posted by M @ 2:12 AM