i wanted to rant about cake and QP but i've decided it's not worth it. i've been through worse times in drama under dio's charge, anyway. he's just about the worst director i can think of, so anything after him is really relatively easy to deal with.

there is a certain point i would like to acknowledge though, and that's the part where i overheard, 'melissa is not cut out for theatre'. at first i was really quite upset about that. i mean, what a thing to say. my whole future just dashed like that, i suppose. my self-confidence was obviously dealt a huge blow. but she's right, i'm not cut out for crewing. i know i'm not and i don't plan to make crewing a profession of mine either but i'm glad i'm experiencing it because i believe it will make me a better director having seen both sides of the coin. it's all about 'BAGGAGE!' like whitby used to say. as to whether i'm not cut out for 'theatre'? i'll decide about that. obviously i AM young and ignorant and inexperienced but i believe that in due time i'll write something a whole lot better than the QP script. it is, in my opinion, a highly self-indulgent piece of work that does not achieve it's purpose (what is its purpose? - the fact that it lacks this is very telling). my favourite part of that play isn't original (it's an extract from something by jamaica kincaid), so what does that say about the writing?

and as it is, it feels like a draft. things are being cut, changed, added, cut even at this stage. the whole first scene was cut. i mean bloody hell you may not think i know much and i'm just some young volunteer but i do read and i do enjoy theatre and i do think my opinion holds its weight sometimes and i really think that the dialogue in the first scene is essential to characterization. however if the actors and director who apparently know better think it's okay to cut it .. then, well. let's see how it goes but i really don't think that was wise at all.

i don't see how the characters are clearly drawn as well, seeing that the actors don't seem to remember the notes they're given and simply revert to playing them as they did the last time. as for any symbolism, biblical allusion or deeper meaning that i'm supposed to glean from it -- there seems to be nothing there except for the sudden bursts of self-indulgence. there doesn't seem to be any preset meaning to any of it at all, and they're just done on a whim or because of convenience.

look, i'm not saying there have to be rules to art. inspiration is spontaneous and incongruous sometimes. but there has to be some sort of conviction and i don't feel any sincerity or conviction coming from this play.

yes, that was the word i was looking for. conviction. the characters are flat because the actors themselves don't understand the characters they're to play. much as i think they're wonderful actors, i feel that the way they play their characters is very, very flat. the only character that seems a little more rounded is norlinaah's. and then the crew has no conviction since everyone's just sort of pissed off now (apart from not enjoying the play). even the director seems to lack conviction sometimes. so how? the audience can sense these things and i'm eager to see how they react.

i've decided it's like the emperor's new clothes. i was trying too hard to see beauty in this script when there isn't any. at first i thought it held a social message about sexuality and our nation's attitudes towards it. and that was the most credit i could give it and i've realized it doesn't even have such an intention because it is just highly personal. but the problem with writing a highly personal script is that it becomes self-indulgent and i don't know why i keep thinking of sylvia plath, but yes it becomes the sort of writing where only the author understands it (like many of plath's poems, we need to know her biography before they can be deciphered). and maybe you'll say i'm biased and maybe i am but i've been watching this thing for three weeks straight and to put it plainly - i just don't like it.

i hate it when i feel like my perceptive has become skewed and i can't trust my own judgement anymore, but that's what's happened as a result of trying too hard to like this script for the past three weeks.

+ posted by M @ 12:25 AM