i am supposed to be writing my essay but i am getting distracted. i guess i really haven't written anything much substantial here for a long time or taken the care to update all of you on the happenings in my life.

well, nothing much happens really. i go to class, do work in the dorms, deal with my miscreant of a roommate, eat bad hall food or instant food to survive. things are rather depressing and droll and i'm certainly not living it up in the US of A unlike many people who go overseas and happen to completely get thrown into all the wonders of independence and partylife and such. not that i'm much of a party-er, but finding a niche of some sort would be nice.

i feel like my sister is starting to forget me. last quarter she missed me terribly but this quarter she doesn't even seem keen on talking to me sometimes when i call.

... and, i don't know what else to say. i can't say i'm happy, which is a very strange thing, i guess, since when you go overseas everyone expects you to say it's 'GREAT' but all you can muster is, 'um, it's okay, i'm fine.' i'm just doing, just getting on with it, since - 'not everyone has the opportunity to go overseas', much less 'to the university of chicago'. in fact i feel lonely a lot of the time and i wonder if i will ever really make real friends. i wonder if it just stops there. that jc friendships were as good as it got (and even then jc friendships weren't all that strong) so maybe it really just stops at scgs and then that's it, the end.

one thing i'm thankful for, though, is that i had the chance to make one more real friend even after the whole realfriendtimeout. i guess i made a real friend last year in aly. which became much more than a real friend, became a best friend. the bestest friend i could ever have and ask for. and when you think about it, the whole thing was just so strange and funny. and beautiful, i think ... though many would think i'm insane for thinking so and am perhaps exaggerating (or blind).

i've considered going back to school in NUS a couple of times but each time told myself that i would probably regret it forever and should stick it out here a bit more until ... well, until i finally get happy. i really wish aly were here though. it's very hard to be completely happy when you're away from the one you love all the time.

i guess the people could be a lot worse. i've met some nice people i can kind of hang out with, but there is no one yet i can really be comfortable with (though we regularly walk around in front of each other in pajamas because we live in a dorm but that doesnt seem to count) and it makes me kind of lonely sometimes. the one person i could call to hang out with and go out with taught me how to smoke pot and well, haven't decided to call her up again lately.

i don't know what else to say except i've turned into one of those people that misses home all the time and just looks forward to going home ... which i really did not expect to be. gotta go there to come back, i guess. first year's always the hardest, they say, but i can't really envision life improving tremendously until aly finally comes here to stay with me.

+ posted by M @ 1:53 PM