i think i'm addicted to theatre, and being in the theatre.

it's been barely a few days of sitting around doing nothing, trying to get over my jetlag, and i just feel extremely restless. it was easier to ignore my withdrawal symptoms last week because of the stress of finals. but now that i'm idling about, i'm not even interested in going out, i just want to start work.

and who knows what work is even going to be like? i'm a little scared, honestly. i'm hoping it will be a good experience, and i won't just be someone they're not quite sure what to do with. and most importantly, i want to learn a lot of things.

bringing rabbit to a specialist tomorrow, in ang mo kio. he's having problems with his teeth i think, he doesn't seem to be eating much and has become very small. it's almost like caring for a child ... i really hope he gets better soon.

i want to start reading a new book, but i'm not ashamed to admit that right now i have no interest in reading something like Marquez or Woolf or Kundera or any of that intellectual stuff. i'm not saying i want to read chicklit rubbish like shopaholic or something, but i just do not want to read something that requires too much mental effort. i am not interested in books that are going to make me sit at my desk unpacking one paragraph for half an hour (looking at you, Woolf). i really just want to read something simple and character-based. i won't even mind Forster or Hemingway. or maybe JUDY BLUME. yes, i said it.

what has become of me? too much, WAY too much intense UofC hipster intellectual pseudo-artsy crap. i don't really want to be around, or aspire to intellectualism anymore. sue me. freud, socrates - greek philosophers ... in fact anything greek? nothing could sound worse. unless i'm reading about interesting greek myths and creatures like pegasus and sea monsters, in which case that's ok. and no Thomas Pynchon either, i'm not interested in holding a book just to look cool.

i'm a little surprised at how much i have to say now that i've started blogging again, and maybe this is also made a little easier by the fact that i know not many people read this anymore. i'm not sure why i value my privacy so much - i think i might have taken it a little overboard in chicago. back here, friends had my blog and everyone kept a blog so it was pretty normal for people to read it and understand my thoughts without me saying so. over there, what you see is what you get more or less - i forever remained a mystery to some people simply because i did not share enough of myself with them. i think that's something i have to work on more in the coming year, if i don't want to be remembered as 'the girl who was a mystery', or worse yet, forgotten. i don't think being called a mystery is very complimentary, even though it might sound that way depending on what floats your boat.

i've been catching up on my friends' lives these few days by reading their blogs - something i've not done in a very long time. i used to check the blogs at least once every few days, but i honestly have not read a lot of theirs for almost the past six months. angie and dawn, i know i have completely neglected yours... and God knows who else. and sometimes it seems that so much has happened, it's too tiring to read it all. i've been reading celene's and amanda's and for some reason it seems jarring to me whenever they mention my name - i don't know why, but i feel surprised that they still think of me sometimes enough to mention my name in one of their posts, and i guess i feel happy that i'm still a part of their lives, even though i think i really haven't kept up my end of the bargain.

i'm still waiting for friends to slowly trickle back in. bea, carol, kai (?), phil, bernice, zx (?) .. the fact is i don't even know who's coming back and who's not, who's here and who's away. i guess i should start texting people but the fact is i'm tired and i don't even know why. things are not going to be the same. i feel like we've all grown up some and when you're not really around when that person is growing up, it takes quite a while to catch up. it's a sad thing, losing touch with people.

+ posted by M @ 5:37 AM