monday is blah. drama is blah. tomorrow is going to be blah. this week is blah. february is here. common tests are coming.

save me o my God.

speaking of God. ash wednesday has become ash friday. strange, weird, strange.

terence really thinks that telling me something equates telling the whole world [HE WASN'T JOKING]. i feel wronged. i am not like that dammit. drama auditions seemed screwed. drama seems dead. and i have to plan with some irritating IP for drama camp which is like SO NEAR my common tests dammit. sigh. at least now i only take 3 subs. but still. i need to get that pink form thing signed. it would help if i remembered my grades. and i feel like i'm going to fail history. i haven't had a single SEA tutorial and for IH mark lo has been MIA on a course. fail la FAIL. plus some history homework is due this week.

haha. feels like it's gonna be a hell great week. this week is a late week for me. chinese tea house thing and auditions tomorrow. wednesday? maybe i can get a haircut? friday? drama. forgive me for listing out my schedule in such a self centred manner. and so many birthdays this month. so many. o Lordy.

i must stop going out and sleeping my weekends away. i must go to a library and study.

mundane. monotonous. drab. the dishwater days. i feel gross today. i can't write. i'm pathetic and evil and all that really makes me laugh now is thinking of scandal of the week. someone should let her know that her blog is very public and everyone can read about her admiration for a certain man. unless she wants that but i really don't think that's what she intends. but hey, 'i love whom i love' [prince lir, the last unicorn] so if she wants to like such a person it's her own business right? BUT I CANNOT HELP IT HONESTLY I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

chinese new year is coming. get to wear our normal clothes to school. exciting mansss. i don't think i will be going back to sc this cny, i'm sorry.

common tests are coming. that's all i can really think about now. maybe i'll feel better after a walk.

i like mandarin oranges. i feel like the way joel felt in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind - displaced, confused. you know, i think i might suggest we let the drama people watch that in school for a meeting. yes. good idea. chop chop.

+ posted by M @ 7:06 PM

...	Saturday, January 29, 2005

scgs forever. first love is forever love. 

+ posted by M @ 2:34 PM

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okay i suppose i shall blog, as one usually does when something significant happens.

ROADRUN '05. woohoo. i actually ran a substantial fraction of it this year as opposed to last when i SERIOUSLY walked the WHOLE way [candy and zx. such memories. it makes me sad].

some funny stuff:

-bea and i trying very hard to find shortcuts but realizing nj outsmarted us by putting road marshalls at EVERY SINGLE BLOODY TURN.

-acs j1 going to the front of the j2girls crowd before the j2girls run started and trying to start the YAH cheer by jumping around waving his finger in the air [that's how the cheer is supposed to be started, btw] - well, he jumped around for a very long time before realizing the j2 girls just didn't give a penny. if his purpose was to attract attention - SUCCESS. if his purpose was to inculcate in us some form of school spirit - GAME OVER, pal. and the worst thing? this boy joined drama.

-at the final stretch at the track where we were visible to all [the house team blah blah blah] bea and i started running a very 'i've-been-running-my-whole-life-i've-been-running-throughout-this-whole-race' run while lingee and amanda walked and had a discussion,

amanda: do you think we can just cut across the field to the finish?
ling ee: huh?! i think you kai [IGNIS HOUSE CAPTAIN WOO BIG SHOT!] will shoot us. take a rifle from the shooting range and SHOOT US.

well that was that then.

-i still don't have the blue aqua house t after surviving many events where we were supposed to wear house t. because frankly no one cares an orange if you wear it or not. still, though, i aspire to be bothered enough to buy one by the time Sports Day rolls around. so instead joined ignis house so my red t would be less conspicuous and also had to do some forfeit ignis house was subjected to. rubbish stuff in attempt to build school/house/any sort of spirit.

-terence chew getting fourth even though his cut on his leg is so bad he limps when he walks. okay this is more inspiring and amazing than funny.

as you can tell, i'm not one with much nj spirit. like omg NJ ROCKS, LET'S CHEER MAN BRING IT ON!

it's not them, it's me. really. i can be sitting right in front of the house captains during an nj vs whateverjc soccer match and the guy will be telling me to cheer and i'll just sit there. you can hate me for it, i don't really care.

on the other hand. after roadrun we went back to sc. at first i was considering not going but in the end i'm glad i went. the minute i stepped in, all the memories of happiness just started flooding back. i was really on a high. and it was just the canteen. after satisfying our meepok cravings, we walked around the rest of the school. every part of that school has something special written all over it. every single part of it. like mrs quek said when she saw us, 'welcome home'. yes, welcome home. just before we left, sam said, 'there's something special about sc. there just isn't any other school like us.' and even though many other people from many other schools may say that about their own school - i biasedly would say like every other person that in our case IT REALLY IS TRUE:) fran claims sji has a similar special school culture. i don't know about that, but i do acknowledge one thing, without sji next to us, sc life wouldn't be the same. whichever way you want to interpret that is up to you. well, one example, you wouldn't get edna making cracks like these [i still remember this!]:

'why don't we have a brother school man..'

'maybe we should get sji to be our brother school'

'no, then we'd have a sister school'

walked home after that. and along the way saw some njcian i didn't know, obviously visiting sji. maybe fran is right.

met cher and zx. and ven for a while. watched the aviator with zx. beautifully directed, casted, acted and shot - but that's all. it was really rather a disappointing movie. disappointing and long. it felt long, which a good movie shouldn't feel like unless that's the effect the director wants to create, the effect of prolonged insanity, but i highly doubt martin scorsese, brilliant as he is, had that idea in mind. i think there was a point where i just started cracking up for no reason because the thing just got SO DRAGGY. perhaps you call me uncultured for not appreciating such a movie but frankly i think this is the typical oscar flick - of epic proportions, pretentious, and trying far too hard to be more than what it is. i prefer small, simply shot films with relatively unknown actors.

then while waiting for the cab for more than an hour at takashimaya taxi stand, we had the privilege of being in the queue behind an scgs girl and a BARKER boy - both of which were glued to each other. STOP IT!!! stop the PDAs in your uniform thing. it is very unsightly. and the whole sc-barker thing. ugh. as zx commented, 'aiyah. it's not like she'll marry him. a seconadary school fling with a little rich boy is quite acceptable.' i feel incredibly disturbed whenever i see couples in school uniforms. ESPECIALLY SCGS GIRLS and acs/sji[most of the time its really just either of these schools] boys. DON'T DISGRACE THE SCHOOL DAMMIT. it makes me so angry. oh well. i feel like an old, irate, spinsterish woman. but honestly, it really is just gross.

today i overslept and missed the current affairs quiz. bottomline: i'm screwed and irresponsible. will face berating on monday. oh well. somehow nowadays whenever i go out i can't feel happy or at ease because i'm too bugged by this innate sense of guilt in me for going out and not mugging like i should be.

+ posted by M @ 1:57 PM

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first glance of home.  

+ posted by M @ 1:56 PM

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just beautiful. 

+ posted by M @ 1:55 PM

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the place we'd stand around.  

+ posted by M @ 1:53 PM

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the coi pond. where a friend of mine once fell in. 

+ posted by M @ 1:51 PM

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me bea sam. and the fries. super oily chili fries. they try to make em in nj but they just can't do it right. and sc food is supposed to be healthy.  

+ posted by M @ 1:49 PM

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me in my disgusting red nj pe shirt thing. omg gross gross grossssss. this pic is with my bottle of pink dolphin. filled with vitamin c. good for you. oh the sweet lies.  

+ posted by M @ 1:48 PM

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me and elsa. elsa with her favourite fries. but, everyone knows that MEEPOK > FRIES!  

+ posted by M @ 1:45 PM

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queueing for uncle's meepok. this stall still stands to be the one with the longest queues in sc.  

+ posted by M @ 1:43 PM

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'uncle, yi kuai meepok, gan de, bu yao la jiao, jia liang mao rou, yao cong' the only chinese i ever really spoke in sc.  

+ posted by M @ 1:41 PM

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uncle making bea's meepok. sigh uncle really is getting very old.  

+ posted by M @ 1:37 PM

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before 

+ posted by M @ 1:36 PM

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after. the best meal i've had. EVER.  

+ posted by M @ 1:34 PM

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AFTER ROADRUN: henry and the orca [aqua house mascot]. its bigger than him. how positively cute.  

+ posted by M @ 1:31 PM

...	Thursday, January 27, 2005

o happy day.  

+ posted by M @ 10:50 PM

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DAV. 

+ posted by M @ 10:49 PM

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the 'siblings' 

+ posted by M @ 10:48 PM

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this says: 'we are cute' 

+ posted by M @ 10:47 PM

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candid shot #1 

+ posted by M @ 10:43 PM

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candid shot #2 

+ posted by M @ 10:41 PM

...	Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Finding Gold in the Garbage [a hope-filled heart]

On the night before his death, a veritable landfill of woes tumbled in on Jesus. Somewhere between the Gethsemane prayer and the mock trial is what has to be the darkest scene in the history of the human drama. Though the entire event couldn't have lasted more than five minutes, it had enough badness to fill a thousand Dumpsters.

Except for Christ, not one person did one good thing. Search the scene for an ounce of courage or a speck of character and you won't find it. What you will find is a compost heap of deceit and betrayal. Yet in it all, Jesus saw reason to hope. And in his outlook, we find an example to follow.

'Get up, we must go. Look, here comes the man who has turned against me.'

While Jesus was still speaking , Judas, one of the twelve apostles, came up. With him were many people carrying swords and clubs who had been sent from the leading priests and the older Jewish leaders of the people. Judas had planned to give them a signal, saying, 'The man I kiss is Jesus. Arrest him.' At once Judas went to Jesus and said, 'Greetings, Teacher!' and kissed him.

Jesus answered, 'Friend, do what you came to do.'

Then the people came and grabbed Jesus and arrested him. When that happened, one of Jesus' followers reached for his sword and pulled it out. He struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear.

Jesus said to the man, 'Put your sword back in its place. All who use swords will be killed with swords. Surely you know I could ask my Father, and he would give me more than twelve armies of angels. But it must happen this way to bring about what the Scriptures say.'

Then Jesus said to the crowd, 'You came to get me with swords and clubs as if I were a criminal. Every day I sat in the Temple teaching, and you did not arrest me there. But all these things have happened so that it will come about as the prophets wrote.' Then all of Jesus' followers left him and ran away.

MATTHEW 26:46-56 NCV

The darkest night of Jesus' life was marked by one crisis after another. Later we will see what Jesus saw, but first let's consider what an observer would have witnessed in the Garden of Gethsemane.

First he would have seen unanswered prayer. Jesus had just offered and anguished appeal to God: 'My Father, if it is possible, do not give me this cup of suffering. But do what you want, not what I want.' (MATTHEW 26:39 NCV)

Never has earth offered such an urgent request. And never has heaven offered more deafening silence. The prayer of Jesus was unanswered. Jesus and unanswered prayer in the same phrase? How is that possible? Would God, the one who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, keep something from his own Son? He did that night. And that was just the beginning. Look who showed up next.

Judas arrived with an angry crowd. Not only did Jesus have to face unanswered prayer, he also had to deal with unfruitful servece. The very people he had come to save had now come to arrest him. He came to the aid of so many. All those sermons. All those miracles. And so now we wait for the person who will declare, 'Jesus is an innocent man!' But no one does. The people he came to save have turned against him.

We can almost forgive the crowd. Their contact with Jesus was too brief. Perhaps they didn't know better. But the disciples did. They knew better. They knew him better. But do they defend Jesus? Hardly. The most bitter pill Jesus had to swallow was the unbelievable betrayal by the disciples.

Judas wasn't the only turncoat. 'All of Jesus' followers left him and ran away' (MATTHEW 26:56 NCV). These are the same people who earlier had echoed Peter's words: 'I will never say that I don't know you! I will even die with you!' (MATTHEW 26:35 NCV).

All pledged loyalty, and yet all ran. From the outside looking in, all we see is betrayal. The disciples have left him. The people have rejected him. And God hasn't heard him. Never has so much trash been dumped on one being. From a human point of view, Jesus' world has collapsed.

Jesus, neck-deep in rubbish. That's how I would have described the scene. That's how a witness would have portrayed it. But that's not how Jesus saw it. He saw something else entirely. It wasn't that he didn't see the trashl he just wasn't limited to it. Somehow he was able to see the good in the bad, the purpose in the pain, and God's presence in the problem.

We could use a little of Jesus' 20/20 vision, couldn't we? You and I live in a trashy world. Unwanted garbage comes our way on a regular basis. We, too, have unanswered prayers and unfruitful dreams and unbelievable betrayals, don't we? Haven't you been handed a trash sack of mishaps and heartaches? Sure you have. May I ask, what are you going to do with it?

- excerpt from Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado

spent the time i had today finishing Just Like Jesus because i didn't go to school. time fruitfully spent, in my opinion. i looked at The Purpose Driven Life, but decided that since it is recommended to read a chapter a day over a period of forty days, i'll start on it during Lent. seems like perfect timing, after all Lent will be here very soon. i've decided that i want to watch The Passion of The Christ this year [yes i haven't yet because i was just too scared of the blood and gore] during Easter to see what all the fuss is about over that movie.

i don't know why it is that i've been so pensive of late. went for another long walk today and it just didn't seem right. i have to fix my eyes on Jesus. i have to be a better person for Jesus. dear friends, forgive me if i have turned you away - i have been selfish and absorbed in my own thoughts. common tests are in 7 weeks according to zx. i really must start preparing. mandy! let's go!

Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of My Heart.

+ posted by M @ 5:39 PM

...	Tuesday, January 25, 2005

face your fears.

well yes, today we had to endure tammy ho's TREASURE HUNT for pe. treasure hunt because we run around the school and observe how many trees there are, what art is on the walls etc etc.

i must say one of my big regrets is not doing art in nj. maybe if i had done so i'd have kept up four subs. but art isn't easy, just that i do like it.

and horrors of horrors we had to do that climb up and down the GRASSY SLOPE BY THE BASKETBALL COURTS TOO which we witnessed other classes doing about three times yesterday. the reality of it didn't actually hit me till i was faced with the slope today. thankfully we took a much longer run around school and thus only did the circuit once. but it was bad enough. i've never been scared of heights. i'm scared of slopes. funny how phobias grow in people. i used to blade around bukit timah a lot when i was twelve and went down this extremely steep slope many a time [it's around the shelford area, yes, main road, near the shophouses] on blades without much fear. somehow one day when i was in sec one i went down it as per usual, lost control and crashed into one of the gates of the houses along the slope. had a big bruise on my face for weeks and after that i never bladed again. and i used to love it. still haven't touched my blades to this day, and i think i've probably outgrown them already.

well. i had to go down the grassy slope today. honestly, i was, very, very, scared. after i got down i was really drenched in cold sweat. at first i was planning to crawl down it. and i probably wouldn't even have succeeded in crawling down because i kept telling myself, 'must be brave, must be brave' before i attempted but once i had to do it my mind could only concentrate on my fear and i forgot about God. thankfully, ter came and i held on to his hand all the way down. i was really GRIPPING on for dear life. even when holding my friend's hand, i was still crouching down. that's how paranoid i was. fear is an irrational thing. only after more steps did i trust that ter, mr. canoe captain, wouldn't let me fall and so i stood up as much as i could and 'walked' down. trust. an important thing. when it was over i was really all clammy. but i did it, i didn't lose control and fall to my death.

so ter, if you're reading this, thank you. i'm not good at showing gratitude, but i'd like you to know that without you helping me this morning i probably would have crashed into the barbwire [AND DIED].

also on further reflection, i find that i am, in a way, privileged. many screaming j1 girls would have loved the opportunity to hold on to ter. haha.

God is always there. in the form of friends and loved ones. God is always there.

note to self : YOU HAVE TO TOUGHEN UP, MEL.

+ posted by M @ 2:47 PM

...	Monday, January 24, 2005

it was quite a good monday. mondays are generally good for me, being the earliest day of the week.

SCGS [ST nix CAT high GOSSIP SOCIETY - disgusting. change your name. CHANGE IT!!! im going to sue on behalf of sc. DISGUSTING!!! EWW!!!!!]

okay.

walked home after school, changed, applied some sunscreen so as to not get tanned [i avoid the tan like the plague] and walked to bea's place. bea and cher were swimming. so i sat by the pool and we talked. about how we [bea and i] are going to spend valentines day. sigh. this whole stuff with the movies and how you only feel complete with another person etc etc - it tends to get to you. and that whole thing about girls like roses and chocolates? is it inborn or have we somehow been psychoed into thinking roses and chocolates from boy = good? i mean. no matter how cliche we say those gifts are, we like them still. wow. the power of commercialism.

and just to let you know. i do like roses. and chocolate. roses happen to be my favourite flowers.

but nevertheless, we shall be brave in our LONELINESS and maybe i could find a nice poetry reading to attend that day [there'll probably be tons going on]. or maybe i'll go to church and spend time with Jesus, my Bridegroom. it may seem cheesy to you, but 'tis true. God is Love!

or perhaps shall just stay home and watch korean drama by myself and grow more depressed with each second that i can't just get married to a lawyer and drop out of jc.

ugh don't plague me with all your love problems. i may have none at present but that doesn't mean i am mediator/matchmaker etc. however, if you want to open yourself to gossip, I WILL GLADLY SPREAD GOSSIP ABOUT YOU. you know how i LOVE gossip.

have fun.

+ posted by M @ 9:50 PM

...	Saturday, January 22, 2005

went for a walk today. some down time. some alone time. and at the last bit decided to snap some photos for you, yes angela, for you! cos i know how deathly homesick you are.

enjoy:)

+ posted by M @ 3:59 PM

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essential walking gear. don't leave home without it.  

+ posted by M @ 3:59 PM

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the start of a walk to remember [well actually, this was the last stretch home], only started taking pics around lermit.  

+ posted by M @ 3:59 PM

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follow the leaves.  

+ posted by M @ 3:58 PM

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my shadow is really clear. which shows how burning hot it was.  

+ posted by M @ 3:57 PM

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smu 

+ posted by M @ 3:56 PM