so i was surfing for some articles on feminism on google, just to do a bit of reading, and guess what i found. i found this Christian site which said boldy, 'BEWARE OF THE FEMINISTS, MANY ARE LESBIANS!'

and i just couldn't help but laugh out loud. and then feel disgusted afterwards. it's like stumbling across a porn site while searching for film torrents - very rudely shocking and a big eyesore.

there are a lot of feminist doctrines i don't agree with, i'll tell you that. a lot of the time i find feminists extreme, and, well, annoying. not because i don't believe in equality of the sexes but simply because I DO. what i dislike about feminists is that they do not believe in equality - they believe in the superiority of women. and while it is so that men have (and continue to) oppress women to certain extents, i do not believe that such historical baggage entails or grants us a 'revenge ticket'. if those feministic women are indeed superior, they will accept the past with grace and concentrate on talking about terms for equality, rather than being bent on running a one-woman world because, obviously, we all deserve a place in this world, man or woman.

but something about this site just makes me feel really uncomfortable, and really sick:

'Feminism is sin. It is wrong because it is a rebellion against authority (and against God). God has ordained that the man is to be the head of the household. The wife is to SUBMIT to her own husband...

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."-Ephesians 5:22

The Bible angers the feminists because it CLEARLY teaches that a wife is to submit to her own husband. We read in the Old Testament that Sarah even called Abraham "lord."

"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."-1st Peter 3:6

My wife is NOT a feminist! She is a Christ-honoring woman and submits to my authority. My wife hates feminism because she knows it goes AGAINST God and His Word. We've been married now for 18 years. She likes to make the feminists mad when we're in the store. She'll ask me in front of other women if she can buy something. You can see the dirty looks on their faces. My wife likes to say, "wait, I need to go ask my husband" or "He pays the bills, ask him." It drives the feminists nuts when a wife submits to her husband. I really admire my wife's loyalty and obedience to the Word of God and me. She's my best friend.'

i do think that yes, wives and husbands have to listen to each other. they should both be loyal to each other, they should both submit to each other at certain times. but to have a husband who goes, 'i call the shots' is absolutely disgusting. i mean, come on now, what is this? i do not think that the bible intended for a man to lord it over this wife that he holds the power just because of his sex. i will even go as far as to say that it is fine for a wife to submit to her husband as long as the husband does not expect it and IF SHE WANTS TO, but when the husband expects everything to be checked out with him because it is his, oh, it is his so-called God-given right, that is just ... wrong.

i think i need to go for bible study, or something. these are the parts of the bible that i have never really agreed with, maybe because i've never really understood them. i don't know?

+ posted by M @ 5:00 PM

...	Saturday, February 25, 2006

i really miss baking, and reading, and doing art, and watching tons of film and in general, 'having a life'. but it's always this back and forth between 'i wish i hade a life' and 'i wish i had something to do' so i need to .. find the balance. results are coming out on wednesday, and i have a Brown interview tomorrow! which i'm quite nervous about and i don't know why (and from now on when i think of having a Brown interview i will always think of The OC's Stoned Seth)! i'm not normally nervous about college interviews.

i have also taken to watching American Idol quite loyally which i've never done in the past and why is Patrick leaving us!? actually thought he was good, and that SWAY (UGH!!!UGH!!!) as well as DAVID and KEVIN and heck, WILL must GO!

because i don't really have anything significant to say, i will leave you with this, because The Philosophy of Andy Warhol is perfectly enthralling (and he is very obviously on LSD, pot and things like that):



Space is all one space and thought is all one thought, but my mind divides its spaces into spaces into spaces and thoughts into thoughts into thoughts. Like a large condominium. Occasionally I think about the one Space and the one Thought, but usually I don't. Usually I think about my condominium.

The condominium has hot and cold running water, a few Heinz pickles thrown in, some chocolate-covered cherries, and when the Woolworth's hot fudge sundae switch goes on, then I know I really have something.

(This condominium meditates a lot: it's usually closed for the afternoon, evening, and morning.)

Your mind makes spaces into spaces. It's a lot of hard work. A lot of hard spaces. As you get older you get more spaces, and more compartments. And more things to put in the compartments.

To be really rich, I believe, is to have one space. One big empty space.

I really believe in empty spaces, although, as an artist, I make a lot of junk.

Empty space is never-wasted space.

Wasted space is any space that has art in it.

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them.

Business art is a much better thing to be making than Art Art, because Art Art doesn't support the space is takes up, whereas Business Art does. (If Business Art doesn't support its own space it goes out of business.)

So on the one hand I really believe in empty spaces, but on the other hand, because I'm still makeing some art, I'm still making junk for people to put in their spaces that I believe should be empty: i.e., I'm helping people waste their space when what I really want to do is help them empty their space.

I got even further in not following my own philosophy, because I can't even empty my own spaces. It's not that my philosophy is failing me, it's that I am failing my own philosophy. I breach what I preach more than I practice it.




and then he goes on about 'space' for one whole chapter! the thing i love about Andy is that it is clearly obvious that he's out-of-his-mind HIGH when he's writing this stuff and yet tons of critics read it and went, 'brilliant stuff from the father of pop art!'. AND it IS brilliant in it's own drug-induced rambling right and i AM completely captivated by it because in the most hilarious and strangest ways, he makes perfect sense! i have a weakness for people that philosophize like they're on drugs, especially when they actually make sense. i find it very funny and very candid - i think they balance perfectly on the thin line between utter lunacy and enlightenment. i love it just as i love 'YELLOW SUBMARINE'. but i can't help but think that Andy is right now taking this great big laugh at us and hasn't stopped laughing since 1987.

+ posted by M @ 6:06 PM

...	Wednesday, February 22, 2006

people keep asking, 'so how?'

um, i don't know you know. it does sound very strange of me considering i was dying to see this film and i usually really like films that i think i will like, but this time i can't say i liked Brokeback Mountain as much as i expected to like it. i'm not saying i didn't like it, i just didn't LOVE it. which is the problem when a movie becomes overexposed and so hyped up and i know too many things about it. especially after reading many critic reviews which give away practically the whole story and all the key lines. when i read things in the papers like 'in a key scene one of the characters frustratedly says, 'i wish i could quit you'' i imagine in my head how the line should be said and when it turns out differently in the movie (which it did) it makes me feel very odd.

yes, i did feel sad. it was very very sad. there are certain scenes that will stay with me for a very long time. such as the last scene when we see Ennis looking at their two shirts hung inside his closet, one layered over the other - the fact that even after Jack died he still continued to closet his love for him and couldn't bring himself to publicly accept that he loved whom he loved. it was a story of forbidden love in every sense and you could feel the desperation and tragedy to full effect, but somehow i still didn't feel fully satisfied after this movie. maybe i would have enjoyed the book more? i think i really did go in with extremely high expectations.

i suppose i've finally watched the movie i really really really was dying to see it because it really is an amazing thing - making such big waves in the film industry. the cinematography was good, the acting was superb all round, the direction and vision was there but it didn't get to me as much as it should have.

yes, i admire Ang Lee and the crew and the cast for valiantly and bravely doing this movie, for bringing awareness to the frightening fear and discrimination homosexuals live with which they shouldn't be subjected to. for showing people that societal prejudice and fear can destroy what could have been pure happiness. and every person they can touch, every mind they can open and every perspective they can change - it matters.

and that's why i think i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i would, from a personal level. this movie was was made with the purpose of changing perspectives on 'gay love'. this movie was meant to show that love is love is love. and i don't mean to sound condescending, but i already knew that. and somehow this movie didn't reinforce that for me very strongly either. i expected a very very BIG life-changing sort of impact from this movie and i didn't get it. so i guess that's why i'm not that enthusiastic about Brokeback. if i hadn't known anything about it, if i hadn't heard all the hype, read all the reviews and interviews then maybe i would have loved it. it's like that for me.

i got more out of last year's Oscar darling (Million Dollar Baby) than Brokeback. Million Dollar Baby made me question ideals i had held so strongly before - it made me rethink and re-evaluate my thoughts and feelings towards Euthanasia, and till today i'm still grappling with that issue. i also felt a lot more for the characters when i watched it. but to be fair, i went in knowing next to nothing about Million Dollar Baby (except the stuff everyone saw in the ads) when i went to watch it.

art is meant to open peoples' eyes, to make them learn things and see beauty as they never have before, to change them in some way after experiencing the piece of art. this film has done this for many many people, and thus on that level i DO feel it IS an absolutely beautiful work of art. but at a personal level it hasn't done that for me, and thus as a film i cannot admire it as much. while i did feel for it greatly, i did not feel it enough. yes i did feel sad for Ennis and Jack and even their wives. i'm not heartless. but all the things i knew before watching this film prevented me from REALLY feeling it all. when something is such a gigantic hit, you really do feel the gravity of the word INDUSTRY - that it is really just a film, that these are famous big name actors doing their job. such big 'blockbusters' do not elevate me to the point where reality and identity is suspended, unlike smaller lesser-known arthouse flicks. was that understandable? it's late, i'm not in the best state of mind for word positioning and rephrasing exercises.

i must say this though, the acting REALLY was ethereal. from a person who went to see this movie mainly because of Jake:

heath ledger CANNOT be lauded enough for his seamless performance. seriously, amazing amazing amazing. i'll have to watch Capote and see for myself if Philip Seymour Hoffman manages to trump him.

+ posted by M @ 12:12 AM

...	Tuesday, February 21, 2006

this is very random, but i just decided to rant. i don't like cupcakes. i'm not a fan of the fact that it is a fashionable food simply because Magnolia Bakery appeared in Sex and the City. in fact i think it's very pretentious, just like i find it sad that 'sushi' is a fashionable food. i find cupcakes too pretty, too dainty and way too saccharine (except my mom's) and the only reason i'm actually helping to sell them is because i want my mom to have this for herself. and well, while looking pretty enough for the people who like eating pretty food, they also taste pretty damn good. so we'll be coming up with new designs (enough valentines day stuff. we sold about 8 orders, but made 0 profit i think. we have to change our gameplan).

right. my first time back here in a long time and i decided to rant about cupcakes because i like my food to be actually tasty and i don't care all that much for presentation. give me char kway teow over some fancy souffle any day.

i must, however, learn food photography.

oh well!

i have procured for myself my very own computer (because i am now 18 i told my parents and should get my own computer) and it is an iMac. it is very fun (though scary at times!) getting used to a Mac and now i can do all things on the eMac that i use at work which i never knew how to do.

work has been really enriching for me. i've learnt a lot of important things and E is a great boss and person to work with. it's amazing to be working for E, because well, he's E and i really do see him as someone who has done a lot for the local film industry. a lot. we've finished the new short film for the Jeonju fest and it's undergoing editing now and it was one of the best experiences i've ever had. although i'm not getting paid i think this job has really done so much more for me. and i know i should probably leave it after a while so i can try other things - i still want to try teaching, waitressing - but once you've become so comfortable with a routine it's hard to break out of it. well, i'll have to see how it goes.

ironically, while i've been working in the film industry i have not been watching very much film. the last movie i watched was Memoirs of a Geisha (and i hated it!). i am going to watch a movie with my mom tonight but i shall not jinx it by talking about it because, ahhh!

anyway i'm behaving very irrationally. til next time, white space.

oh and yes just to note this down because i think it is noteworthy : i went for the Franz Ferdinand concert last week and it was awesome!



not a very nice photo of a half eaten valentines day cupcake.

+ posted by M @ 7:21 PM

...	Sunday, February 12, 2006

shoot is crazy crazy crazy mad. but in a good way. have never been on my feet for SO MANY HOURS CONTINUOUSLY OMG. going to wear the birks tomorrow despite mud or rain or whatever because i cannot take it. the foot mould soles better work.

don't know why i'm writing this. just felt like noting something (however mindless) before shoot actually ends. i have a few things to reflect on and write about soon. yes. now, SLEEP and wake up at 6AM because OFF TO BATAM. COFFEE COFFEE COFFEEEEEEEEE!

+ posted by M @ 1:30 AM

...	Friday, February 10, 2006

I DON'T KNOW WHO READS THIS, BUT AT THE ODD CHANCE THAT YOU MIGHT WANT CUPCAKES



i'm selling cupcakes for v-day. details are as follows:

flavours:
1)vanilla buttercream icing on buttercake
2)vanilla buttercream icing on chocolatecake
3)chocolate buttercream icing on chocolatecake
4)chocolate buttercream icing on buttercake

icing colours (only available for vanilla buttercream icing):

light pastel pink
white

to suit the vday theme!

prices for combination...

1 : $15 for half a dozen, $30 for a dozen
2 : $17 for half a dozen, $34 for a dozen
3 : $18 for half a dozen, $36 for a dozen
4 : $17 for half a dozen, $34 for a dozen

will do delivery.

prices are not negotiable, please understand that ingredients to make
such cupcakes are not cheap (especially chocolate). email all
enquiries to buttercup.cupcakes@gmail.com

note : cupcake in picture is from a website but the end result will be
identical.

don't worry about giving away your identity or whatever by emailing me (if you're a lurker, anonymous reader or blah), i've cross-posted this to livejournal's sgselltrade page as well.

+ posted by M @ 12:44 AM

...	Monday, February 06, 2006

nothing feels good

my dad wants me to be a 'regular person', as he says in his own words. i really hate when he says that, i really do. we're currently not talking. or rather, i am not talking to him. i didn't decide it, i just realized today that i haven't talked to him for the past two days. we didn't declare a cold war, or anything. i just have nothing to say to him after him not really caring to talk to me for the last few years of my life. and this is not me being an angsty teenager. i just have nothing real to say to anyone anymore, because nothing ever comes out the way it should or actually gets understood. the thing is, people don't even know the first thing about me.

sure, i should be grateful. for having a comfortable life and so on and so on and so on. but honestly, when there's no emotional side to it - it doesn't really matter.

ouch. that was almost too honest for me to write. truth or lies, truth or lies? everyone says gimmesometruth, but regrets that when they actually hear it. so what is the point, anyway?

+ posted by M @ 3:08 AM

...	Sunday, February 05, 2006

andy warhol and the sixties. SERIOUSLY COOL. i'm pretty interested in buying a whole bunch of books on the warhol gang and reading about their escapades and what it was like back then. i think warhol was really quite phenomenal and made things very, very electric.

okay, that's all i had to say. i'm not sure what this space is for anymore. to let people know what's going on in my life when they don't talk to me personally to find out or to write any nonsense i feel the urge to voice, i don't know?

+ posted by M @ 1:26 AM

...	Thursday, February 02, 2006

i've been reading a lot more lately. it's been book after book, as compared to the DVD binge i embarked on last year.

finished flowers for algernon. it was really just too sad, too sad. everyone cries over retarded people stories. am right now reading Arundhati Roy's An Ordinary Person's Guide to Empire and she is brilliant!

anyway i wonder, how is it that in rubbish bins (in my house that is) orange peels and chocolate wrappers fail to attract ants while should they be left on a table, a trail of ants will invariably start creeping up from their secret hiding places. do rubbish bins emit some sort of 'don't come to me' aura or are ants just too lazy to climb into them and climb out again.

geez, why am i even thinking about these things. work has left me with a lot of free patches of time lately to read before it gets busy next week. and also, upon reflection today, while i feel that production IS interesting, i would first and foremost want to be the creator - meaning, i would rather write scripts or direct. be at the very front of creating art, rather than 'producing' it. no, it isn't a want or a rather, it is a NEED.

in french, director is 'realisateur' (i think). i think it's a very interesting term. realizer - this can be read in so many ways!

+ posted by M @ 6:48 PM

...	Wednesday, February 01, 2006

and when you spoke of being in love

how urgent revelations showed:
that the habit of loving

is our one and only shot at happiness.
nobody regrets for having loved,

even the wrong people, or in wrong doses,
because we remember how it once stood for right.

- Alfian

i really couldn't help but sigh when i read this.

+ posted by M @ 5:06 PM

...

i feel a lot like that boy in 4:30, which probably explains why i disliked and 'liked' the film at the same time. stuck in limbo. everyone's moving on, getting better, moving on faster and faster and i'm still there, STILL THERE.

why did i say still there when i meant still here?

this morning some person called up asking if she could use a silly poem i wrote for a National Day competition years ago (which was compulsory for me to write and the teacher didn't even like it) and i wanted to say no, no, no that poem doesn't even reflect how i feel, it's simply written to suit your purposes because the teacher told us to do it because i could not write anything else about this country other than talk about its food and its public transport and its highrise flats. but if you think that's what singapore is really all about, then well, maybe you're right, so yes, use it. it's remarkable how much we recycle old things, i think it's really telling that they're so lacking in material for ND that they have to use a poem that was written and already published two years ago.

okay i need to go to work. i'm currently reading Flowers for Algernon and it is very sad.

+ posted by M @ 10:44 AM