my eyes have been opened to a lot of things this week.

i suppose i have pushed away those who cared about me most and who tried so hard to get to me.

the gang: if you read this - i'm sorry. i realize that i've really neglected all of you and taken you guys for granted. it's not that i've made new friends and forgotten all about you; that will never be the case. i'm just changed this year. worse than before, emotionally, mentally, in all aspects and i'm trying to get myself back. forgive me if i've ignored your smses and messages, i never meant to hurt.

in fact, to anyone, forgive me if i've ignored your smses. sometimes it's the people you love the most that you ignore because they know you so well it hurts when you can't see that person they once knew you to be.

it's a hard climb up but i'm fighting tooth and nail for myself. over these couple of months, i've realized i've really become a different, lousier person. i pass mean remarks about people, don't make enough effort to help those who need me, am generally rather anti-social and have ceased to be a witness to Christ's love. i resolve to stop. actually, i find myself complaining and joking about the annoying girls in my class but today during mass i just remembered that one told me she was getting baptized today. i found this out because in a strange act of faith, i decided to ask this person i didn't mix with to go for NJCF as i knew she was church-going. maybe some people think it's fake of me to ask her to CF when i don't like her much and complain about her antics but at that point i felt it was something i had to do. sometime during communion, it dawned on me that i should probably write her a congratulatory note about her baptism. i suppose my other classmates might think me fake if i pass her a present tomorrow - but God has given us this power to touch people's lives and i must use mine. it would be a sin to waste away. i don't know what has gotten into me that i can flippantly pass hurtful remarks about people ... it's simply disastrous, horrible, disgusting.

the way i behave at ED isn't very exemplary either. i haven't been going very often and when i do i usually feel so down and self-absorbed i stand around looking sullen and unfriendly ... i must learn that the world doesn't simply revolve around me and my problems and that perhaps [though unlikely as it feels], there are people who need me to be there and encourage the new enquirers.

i also missed confirmation this year basically because of my lack of comittment to go for a mere four lessons.

there has to be a change, in myself, spiritually.

and love, what of it?

i read sherman's entry on love. love is not a feeling, love is a commitment. on my way home from church, my mom as usual gossiped to me, and talked about the various marital woes her friends were encountering. perhaps the free and easy romantics believe that should a married man meet the supposed 'love of his life' halfway during his marriage he should just leave his wife and kids in tow to pursue that 'ultimate happiness'.

sorry to crush your idealistic hopes of escapades and clandestine affairs - but i flat out disagree.

love is not some funny feeling you get in your stomach that you 'can't describe'. love is not getting wobbly knees. love is not any of that overly hyped hollywood pap. love is a commitment that you make - 'till death do us part'. overcoming temptation and sticking with your loved ones through thick and thin no matter how much you'd like to leave - that's love. sacrificing your 'happiness' to ensure your family stays together and your children have a complete parental support system - that's love.

love does not hurt, love does not tear families apart, love does not destroy, love does not leave one heartbroken and thinking 'nothing is worth living for'. that is not love.

love is a commitment, but it's not a cold one spelt out in paper. it's unspoken, it's lived, it's breathed - love is just love, but love is not a feeling.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Word of God. believe.

+ posted by M @ 7:27 PM

...

songs a-z. credit to sherm.

[A]s Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional
[B]urn Baby Burn - Ash
[C]ome Away with Me - Norah Jones
[D]ancing in the Rain - Rob Draco Rosa
[E]verybody's Fool - Evanescence
[F]irst Cut is the Deepest - Rod Stewart
[G]ive it Away - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
[H]ANDS DOWN - DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL
[I] Could Sing of Your Love Forever - Jars of Clay
[J]esus Loves Me - Jewel
[K]iss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
[L]earning to Breathe - Switchfoot
[M]aps - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
[N]ight the Lights Went Out in NYC - The Ataris
[O]nly One - Lifehouse
[P]ieces of You - Jewel
[Q]ing Tian - Jay Chou
[R]adio #2 - The Ataris
[S]omeone Like You - Van Morrisson
[T]ime Stands Still - All American Rejects
[U]npretty - TLC
[V]indicated - Dashboard Confessional
[W]oke Up in a Car - Something Corporate
[X] probably some chinese song which i don't listen to.
[Y]our Congratulations - Alanis Morissette
[Z]ephyr - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

+ posted by M @ 12:46 PM

...	Saturday, August 28, 2004

i swear, God created chocolate to save the depressed.

+ posted by M @ 2:53 PM

...	Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Free - Hillsongs Utd

Would you believe me if I said
That we are the ones who can
Make the change in the world today
Would you believe me if I said
That all of the dreams in your heart
Can come true today
Would you believe me if I said
That life can be all that you
Want it to be today

And if I had wings I would fly
'Cause all that I need You are
And if the world caved in around me
To You I'd still hold on
'Cause You're all that I believe
And the One that created me
Jesus because of You
I'm free

Would you believe me if I said
That God can make miracles happen today yeah yeah
Would you believe me if I said
That you don't need to wait for the answers before
You step out in faith
Would you believe me if I said
That nothing is ever impossible for God

Just live your life
With God inside
You won't regret
One moment of it
And give all that you can for God
For God

yes!! i say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord!

+ posted by M @ 10:42 PM

...	Tuesday, August 24, 2004

My Best Friend - Hillsongs

Have you heard of the one called Saviour?
Have you heard of His perfect love?
Have you heard of the one in Heaven?
Have you heard how He gave His son?

Well I have found this love and I believe in the Son
show me Your way

I believe in the one called Saviour
I believe He's the risen one
I believe that i'll live forever
I believe that the king will come

Because I have found this love and I believe in the Son
show me your way

Jesus You are my best friend and You will always be
nothing will ever change that

currently olympics is consuming all my time and depriving me of my sleep which i need to stay awake during lessons like econs and chinese. i need to ease this addiction.

+ posted by M @ 7:21 PM

...	Monday, August 23, 2004

school is insane.

well, we had a student dialogue session today. basically for the students to give councillors feedback on things they want rectified, changed, etc etc. i don't know what has become of me. i sat there cynically, mentally rolling my eyes and thinking, 'TALK SO MUCH. whatever.' when it came to filling out feedback forms i spelt my name and class out BIG even though we could maintain anonymity. if you want to complain and fill up the OAS with all 'strongly disagree's, might as well let them put a name to your face. i don't really care. i detest the student council, especially the outgoing one. why do people join council anyway, seriously? all these students jumping around, shouting and getting virtually nothing done. when the feedback officer finally stopped yapping, the floor was open to discussion - siayang, this china scholar from dunman high stepped up and basically bombarded them with his suggestions, opinions, views. everyone was groaning and saying in the typical uncultured manner, 'shut up lah' and 'what the hell'. sure, he was unpopular and ridiculous most of the time, but you had to admire his gumption.

and of course, the singaporean students do nothing but sit there while the china scholar criticizes our local school admin. the irony is very inherent; i hope everyone can see it.

i felt very sad after the dialogue session when i reflected upon my actions. have we become that indifferent? have I become that indifferent? with regards to the pathetic school admin, i just crack some cynical jokes and take on an extremely embittered attitude while resigning unhappily to the sad state of affairs. we've accepted things all too easily - we need rallies, we need to fight for our rights. we want change, but none of us dare to take to the mike and voice it out. we grumble among ourselves but end up just taking whatever is given to us. for example, the issue of uniforms. siayang suggested a change in material, and many students said, 'one more year lah. whats the diff?' WELL. haven't YOU been complaining about the heat? why not fix it now so that for the rest of your jc life you'll be happier and more comfortable? stop stomaching things when there is a solution at hand. so, you know what, we deserve all this rubbish - because we don't even fight back to show that we don't. that's the problem with us; conforming all the time, adapting all the time into bland colourless blobs of flesh. we're just like amoeba - spineless, shapeless, pathetic.

i'm extremely disgusted. i wanted to talk about the olympics, but seeing as i am currently annoyed i don't think i am in much mood to ponder upon the inspiration of humanity.

+ posted by M @ 11:15 PM

...	Saturday, August 21, 2004

okay. rundown on week and interesting events.

on wednesday, had hurried exchange of shoes with bea when announcement was made that NE reps had to see DM to collect something. couldn't let her catch me for pink shoes again. got caught for skipping unseen lit class. i shall not relate events here, as is potentially dangerous. but well, gosh. great.

on thursday, supposed to have class photo taking after PE lesson. how disorganized can nj get. whole class was soaking and amanda was drying her hair with hand dryer. luckily, photo taking got postponed.

on friday, supposed to have photo taking, but it started raining as soon as we arranged ourselves. that was pretty cool. after that, went home with cheryl so she could rest before going to meet jun kai. got ready for colours. some girls turned up in dresses. colours was hilarious. guest of honour c. kunalan gave speech on importance of sports - drama was obviously forgotten [thank you]. speech was very very amusing indeed. to demonstrate that EVERYONE knew the importance of sports and the endorphins one gets from them - he showed a clip from some alien movie about an alien sucking endorphins out of people ['even the alien knows it']. it was a very gross clip. it was also extremely extremely funny under such circumstances and only the drama table seemed to be tickled by it. after which, dinner which consisted of some food from caifan stall [ha.ha]. and after which, a band of unknown people in nj performed a rock version of the school song. i felt rather bad for them, actually, because everyone couldn't stop laughing. i don't know if they wanted that effect.

today, cao ye's birthday. baked his birthday cake with cheryl - or rather, grilled it. unknowingly set oven to grill mode [gosh, i don't know what the difference between all the symbols are] and when it was done my mom popped in, and glancing at the oven, informed me that i had put it on 'grill mode'! i effectively grilled a cake. then made lime icing and came up with ingenious way to decorate it. am domestic goddess. grilled cake actually tasted very good. cao ye claimed he 'wanted to cry' - whichever way you wish to interpret that.

it's the little things.

+ posted by M @ 11:52 PM

...	Friday, August 20, 2004

Did you feel the mountains tremble - Delirious

Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Chris the risen one

And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
When young and old will turn to Jesus

Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord!

Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring Your hope
Songs that bring Your peace
Dancers who dance upon injustice

Did you feel the darkness tremble
When all the saints join in one song
And all the streams flow as one river
To wash away our brokeness

And we can see that God you're moving
A time of Jubilee is coming
When young and old will turn to Jesus

Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord!

started off the day right with worship at njcf. had math test - not enough time, too panicky, too lacking in self-confidence. i'll probably fail. but it's okay. i tried my best for it [apart from trigo]. got released early to prep for colours awards. thinking of dinner tonight at ikea.

i'm checking out.

+ posted by M @ 2:45 PM

...	Thursday, August 19, 2004

this week has been a blur.

short-term goals : get self to NJCF [yes!] tomorrow morning. decide on what to wear for colours awards tomorrow night. pray for forgiveness for missing yet another week of ED. survive math test. stop being so crabby and snappy.

sigh.

long-term goal : get a life. get old self back. get soul back. get heart back.

Better than Life - Hillsongs

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

You hold me now in your arms
And never let me go
You oh Lord make the sun shine
And the moonlight in the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because

I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You
I can't stop falling in love with You
I'll never stop falling in love with You

i want all the Hillsongs' songs. how how how.

+ posted by M @ 6:50 PM

...	Wednesday, August 18, 2004

today is delicious.

+ posted by M @ 4:33 PM

...	Sunday, August 15, 2004

i suppose at this point in time, i have hardly any thoughts. if you asked me, i would not be able to reply you with anything. and most of the time i'm just so tired, so empty, so starved of life.

i do not feel the way i once used to feel. i do not feel. again. it has reverted to that point where there is a lack of feeling. maybe this was what i wanted. looking back on what i used to think; what i used to write; i amaze myself.

this is a stunning realization: i don't love anything anymore.

even my relationship with Christ has taken a bashing. no longer am i able to convey the comfort i find in Him. no longer do i have that ability to inspire those around me to pray, to head to church, to strengthen their faith. not that i was so able before, but i have become worse.

art. literature. God. beauty. truth. love. i used to love all those things. and sometimes, now, there is a brief flicker of recognition when i read a book or when i pass my eyes over pieces of art which is not mine. but the feeling is fleeting - i suppose i am only living on the memory of loving those things.

is it just me? it is just today? is it just this week? what is happening to me? i feel like i'm falling further and further and nothing, no one, is going to catch me and bring me back.

+ posted by M @ 7:56 PM

...

Sphere, Break, Slider, Nightmare Circular says:
yes well when you like someone you tend to become that person. For example, i find myself with only 10% the tact i used to have.
Sphere, Break, Slider, Nightmare Circular says:
And well, in your case
Sphere, Break, Slider, Nightmare Circular says:
*cough*
Sphere, Break, Slider, Nightmare Circular says:
Oh mel, i can almost imagine you running down the yellow brick road with dorothy and the tin man, singing "If only i had a brain!!!"

... i could die laughing.

+ posted by M @ 12:43 AM

...

i thought sleep would make me feel better. didn't work.

gosh. it's 12.20am. i don't know what's with me nowadays. i'm losing it all.

losing it ... losing it ...

life is too hectic. far too hectic, for my tastes.

+ posted by M @ 12:22 AM

...	Thursday, August 12, 2004

DARYL IS AN ANGEL

sherm, i am not stupid. i still have good ideas okay. have been thinking hard of what to say since you claim my words have a calming effect. i think that ability has estranged itself from me at this point of time ... but. i think this is pretty neat, aye? : )

+ posted by M @ 10:58 PM

...

Streemin by Roger McGough

im in the botom streme
wich means im not britgh

dont like readin
cant hardly write

But all these divishns
arnt reely fair

Look at the cemtery
no streemin there

a poem i came across on carol's blog once, and have remembered. i looked it up again today while reflecting on some things.

it seems to be the time for epiphanies.

+ posted by M @ 6:31 PM

...	Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You
and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You
and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies

Yeah, abundant skies, yeah
This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours
This is a way
This is a way

switchfoot - learning to breathe

i'm sick again. i didn't go to school again. and i realized something in the middle of my reading and my reflection and my SAT prep. that i'm not going to get over you for quite some time until someone new comes along, no matter how much i want to. and i'm fine with that, because for now you are the only one my heart knows. till then, i'll still be loving you. not painfully, not jealously, not deceptively - but truly, and in the best way i know how to.

it's what you love that makes you, not what loves you.

+ posted by M @ 5:38 PM

...	Tuesday, August 10, 2004

i know what it is: i'm scared.

because everything is completely new. i've been scared for so long this year; it just didn't hit me how simple the explanation for my feelings were.

i'm scared because the person i am this year is not me. at least, not the person i thought i was. and i'm scared, that my friends missed out on the part where i've changed, and they don't know me anymore. because i'm not that person i used to be - because i'm someone else. and i'm scared because while i was out with them yesterday and everyone was catching up i had to try my hardest to smile when all i could think of was him and my sadness.

i'm scared because i've never not been in control of the way i feel. i'm scared because i over-react and i get overly-emotional. i'm scared because i'm vulnerable and i've never been vulnerable before. i'm scared because i've never reacted in the way i react to things now. i'm scared because things i once used to let go of so easily just won't get rid of themselves. i'm scared i won't ever stop feeling pathetic. i'm scared because crying at night everyday for a week used to be completely foreign to me. i'm scared because i don't think i could have ever felt this much about something so seemingly miniscule and cliche in my life.

i'm just scared. and i wish someone would understand. and i wish you would understand, and i wish you would talk to me. but you don't.

+ posted by M @ 1:55 PM

...	Monday, August 09, 2004

He's the foulest-mouthed boy I've ever come across and continually uses the C word. I tell him it offends me and he calls me a prude. I shrug. So be it. I'm a prude. But he says he'll hold back when he's around me. He talks about smoking dope, probably a lot more than he actually smokes it, and just when you think you've come up with some theory about him, he'll make you change your mind. He's obsessed with fantasy fiction and is incredibly biting about those who get fantasy and sci-fi mixed up. The constant machiavellian grin on his face is a cover-up for some kind of yearning which doesn't excuse him from being rude and obnoxious and cruel, but he's honest, and I think that deep down he's as lonely as I am.

- saving francesca, melina marchetta

+ posted by M @ 10:25 PM

...	Sunday, August 08, 2004

and so in the midst of economics tuition on a saturday afternoon i recieved this sms from carol,

Mel, the world is coming to an end! Read Life! Pg 6!!

yes, the world is coming to an end. and i am sad for it, carol. very sad.

+ posted by M @ 4:05 PM

...	Saturday, August 07, 2004

Maybe I'm not ready for this, and you know it.
Maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together because of regrets we might have.
I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest.

So I guess this is the ending or a beautiful mistake.
And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much?
I feel like I lost my closest friend.
I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy and completely lonely.

beautiful mistake - the ataris

+ posted by M @ 5:56 PM

...	Tuesday, August 03, 2004

i've been hearing this so often.

'she didn't love him anymore'

'he didn't love her anymore'

how is that possible? i think i've experienced it myself, but ... still, i find it hard to understand. how is it that one can stop loving another so easily? the superficiality of the relationship gets exposed just by that one reason. and what do people mean when they say love?

i have the feeling that many peoples' definitions of love are extremely different from mine. especially after entering jc i've found that even more so.

you don't stop loving. if you stop loving, you stop living.

yesterday was great. we had a halfday which started at one [very generous by nj terms. seriously.], the aqua skit is finally over, the drama stuff for this week's play is.. okay it's not settled. well i had a rehearsal till 3 and then i went to meet mandy and bea in town. we walked about for a while, drifting, just drifting. ended up at borders as usual. suddenly had idea of them coming over to bake and then staying over.

so they go home to get their stuff, mel joined us for a while and they came at seven and we sifted through a million recipe books before deciding on Mocha Chocolate Chip cookies. went on a hunt for kahlua and i tell you my mom is insane. i never knew she was this insane. the amount of recipe books she has is astounding. i brought down maybe 1/3 of her baking books and i counted fifty of them. and those were only BAKING books. japanese, italian, mediterranean, chinese, indian, malay, chilean ... you want it, she's got it. she has all the nigella lawson books. ALL OF THEM.

oh and there is everything one could ever possibly need in the pantry. kahlua. poppy seeds [even though it's not sold here]. dried cranberries. canned mandarin oranges. all the basics [flour, cinammon, flavourings, essences, nutmeg, sugar, baking soda, yeast...]. cocoa powder. liquer for baking. sprinkles. doilies. silver ball things. heart moulds. cookie cutters. rolling pins. three electric mixers.

i don't know. everything. for a while we panicked because we didn't have kahlua but in the end we dug it up from somewhere in the pantry.

so we baked four batches and you can't taste the mocha in them but they are oh, so goooood.

i've caught the baking bug. all i can ever think about now is whipping up a meringue or mixing pastry batter and cutting out cookie dough.

i've also caught the homework bug. all i can ever think about now is how i can finish my homework, how i can get to understand my math and just.. every minute now in school it's just the irrepressible urge - what homework do i have? when can i do it? can i finish it all tonight? when is my next drama meeting? what do i have to do?

and it's not an anxious thing. it's a, 'when do i have the time to do it because i WANT to do my homework' thing.

i'm very freaked out. are you freaked out?

this is gross. i can't wait till the long weekend so i can do something other than all this work and think about things other than academia and my university applications and drama commitments and homework and vectors. but over the long weekend i promised myself i'd do four full SAT papers. and i think we are having a drama agm this saturday. which i both want and dread. there is some major overhaul to be done.. it scares me. but we need to get the things done.

and i feel guilty because i'm not at today's rehearsal. oh well. tomorrow's full-dress. it will be okay. i need to be more responsible. definitely. i keep getting disappointed with myself ...

last night after we finished baking and talking and finally were so exhuasted by half past midnight they went to sleep and i stayed up a little while longer insisting on doing my economics homework. and i hate econs. it's the homework i always - or rather, used to - copy.

i can't wait for this friday. nj is finally going to have a CF. or christian student community. or something to that extent. chalene told me, just ask God for a cf, truffle. and i did. and now i have one. ask and you shall receive. yes. friday morning. 6.45 am. any sneaky njcians reading this - you are invited to CF at the raintree tables. it will be a morning of singing and prayer. don't miss out. i hope we can have this cf twice a week at least. can't wait can't wait. the best thing is ros is one of the people initiating it. she even printed out slips of paper to give to people.

praise God! Jesus, You are my All in All!

i'm really tired. i want to sleep. but i've got to start on my gp homework now.

angela, you were right, about throwing yourself into your work. it helps ease the pain. a lot. ]

do you know, that i've got a heart fetish? last year my notebook was embossed with a heart. i loved that notebook. i had a heart pendant hanging from it [how do things just stop being special?]. this year my penchant is fullblown. i designed my file on my own and all the words slot into each other such that it forms a heart around my name. heart earrings. valentine edition airforce ones with hearts just below the nike ticks. new heart notebook. heart pencil case. my school bag has a patchwork heart design on it. and i don't mean that i like the gaudy happy house stuff ... i just like plain and simple, hearts.

what am i talking about ... i'm becoming such a bimbotic blogger.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

+ posted by M @ 3:53 PM

...	Sunday, August 01, 2004

i know i asked for solitude, but getting stranded for half an hour along steven's road is just ridiculous.

it was a saturday night. orchard road leads to stevens. of course i wouldn't get a cab till after eternity. but i waited anyway.

i ended up standing at the side of the road, sporadically flagging hired cabs. for a while i sat at the island bus stop by myself, and just waited. for nothing at all. it felt strange, that i was comfortable just sitting there, waiting for nothing and knowing that if i didn't get up and flag i'd be there all night because my parents were out of town.

but somehow it felt alright. for that instance i felt like i had all the time in the world just to wait, for nothing. or maybe for something i know not what.

after a while i realized the island bus stop wouldnt help any so i walked to the bus stop further down where it wasn't so cluttered with cars. i stood at the double yellow lines for about half an hour, trying to get a cab. and sometimes, i'd just stand there, still, taking it all in. in between the traffic lights when the road in front of me was empty i could hear the chirps and the humming of night. there was a rare breeze which passed through the bougainvillea bushes every few minutes and rustled the leaves. the perfect arch of the expressway and the way it curved into infinity - with the lights lining it like a pathway .. to somewhere.

it felt good.

+ posted by M @ 2:20 AM