click to enlarge, by the way.  

+ posted by M @ 9:37 PM

...

a herbert poem i liked. and cool illustrations to go along. for awhile i was rather annoyed by him, but studying him last night for today somehow made me appreciate his love for God. times of desperation. anyhow, a poem of his most of you should definitely check out is 'The Sacrifice'. most of the lit students don't find it that moving, but as Christians, it will most definitely bring tears to your eyes.  

+ posted by M @ 9:36 PM

...	Monday, June 27, 2005

HAHA FAIL LA FAIL.

i'm waiting for the day where i can walk out of the exam quarters and say, 'well that wasn't too bad now, was it?' and trust me, my complaints aren't those of obligatory self-bashing the closet muggers indulge in while well knowing they scored close to full marks, my complaints are because of genuine laziness and cluelessness as to the exam papers. HOPEFULLY i'll get to say 'yay! that was a good paper!' when i sit for the A Levels.

thank you, well-wishers. i notice that the people who sent the good luck for exams messages were AC people. LUCKIES [okay so the prelims are earlier, but still]! but nonetheless, thank you.

i hate sitting in the exam hall in among the mass of grey at grey desks on grey chairs. it makes me feel ... dehumanized.

+ posted by M @ 6:13 PM

...	Sunday, June 26, 2005

the common tests start tomorrow, and i'll tell you straight up that i'm pretty much done for. all i can do now is pray.

yes, sweet decadence, i went to watch two of the baz retrospective movies last night. romeo+juliet and strictly ballroom. very different, but both good. strictly ballroom > the pathetic excuse for a movie 'shall we dance'. the arts house is pretty nicely done up, apart from the fact that very few frequent it [on a saturday night!] and that the screening room movie quality is rather ... questionable. not horrible, but there were some glitches which would have annoyed me were i in a bad mood. i guess because it's new and there were like, what, 6 people watching r+j? 'give chance'.

i'm simply enraptured by romeo and juliet. i can't get over it. i feel so filled ... with everything. but i can't describe it, i find that describing films and art and literature is like trying to describe colour to a blind person - this stuff has to be experienced on your own. yet i can't help it, i still need to talk about it, though incoherently and incomprehensively. i can't get over shakespeare and baz in all their visionary goodness.

o trespass sweetly urged
give me my sin again

+ posted by M @ 11:46 AM

...	Saturday, June 25, 2005

family drama.

like i said, i want to write a play, and if i ever do, it'll be about my family. i think this will make quite interesting black comedy.

In the family car with ample seating. Edward, 14, the second brother sits in the front next to the driver, with an often unsmiling face of chiselled features. Dressed in an oversized muscle tee and lowslung bermudas. Jonathan, 15, the eldest brother sits in the second row, very tall but with a gentle and meek quality to him. Dressed in a faded nike t-shirt and bermudas. Gregory, 12, fair and lanky sits in the second row next to Jon after the gap. Dressed in long armyprint cargo pants and a black t-shirt. Graham, the youngest brother, sits behind in the third row, his eyes glued to his gameboy. A chubby boy of 9, but looks like he's 7. Dressed in a t-shirt and bermudas.

The car stops outside serene centre macdonalds,

Edward [gruffly] : what do you want?
Jon: uh.. er.. uh..
Edward: make up your mind jon!
Jon [sheepish smile]: uh.. quarter pounder meal
Greg [very clear and articulate]: Nuggets, barbeque sauce and milo.
Ed: Grammy, hurry up
Graham[excited]: ok ok.. a cheeseburger happy meal

Edward leaves to buy the food and comes back a while later with the food. They pass the food around the car as it starts up again.

Greg [dangerously, in the, i'm-going-to-scream voice]: Where's my milo?!
Ed[slightly sheepish, but you hardly hear it]: oh. sorry.
Greg [livid]: You forgot!?
Graham: Here, here have my milo
Greg takes it. Jon then passes Graham half of his milo.
Greg [sulkily]: You didn't get my barbeque sauce.
Ed: Why aren't you eating the fries?
Greg: They're not mine.
Ed [annoyed]: They're yours!
all are exasperated and frustrated. Gregory sulks the whole ride back. Edward has an expression that shows he's restraining himself from pummeling his brother. Graham is just eating french fries in silence. Jon remains rather expressionless, but clearly discomfited by the situation.

At the house. All get out of the car. Gregory runs to the front door, lets himself in and locks the rest out. The other three brothers watch in shock as Greg runs across to the door at the conservatory and locks it as well [the conservatory has glass walls]. They then go to another opening and call for someone to let them in.

yeah. this really happened. i wasn't at the scene of crime, but had to listen to my brothers rant afterwards at lunch time. of course greg was upstairs after saying huffily as he walked past me, 'i hate edward. i hope he burns..' jon, the gentle giant, was rather annoyed. so that's saying something about what happened.

'he locked us out of the house over barbeque sauce and milo.'

+ posted by M @ 1:12 PM

...	Friday, June 24, 2005

quotable quotes from my brother.

-of my outrageous downloading, my brother quips, 'wow. let's just sell the tv.'

-very passionately [as much as you can expect for a giant sized chinese high gepper] : TUPAC IS ALIIIIIIVE!

-at estivo, upon sighting some nj grey,
me: hey, my schoolmates.
brother: why dont you say hi
me: i don't know them
brother: so anti social? if i saw my schoolmates i would say hi. HWA CHONG ZI DI [meaning, hwachong brotherhood?!]!

oh God. i live with pro-communist brothers.

okay. back to work. pulled an all nighter last night till 6+ before sleeping till 12. THATS THE PUNGENT SMELL OF DESPERATION, FOLKS. mmm. watched a little of my anthony bourdain stuff. i'm being ... sensible? crazy?, i'm going to watch the baz luhrmann retrospective tomorrow. i'm not putting my life on hold for the common tests. it has already deprived me of INITIAL D for now. i've got 3 chapters left of the spire [that dastardly book, never reading any of golding's stuff again] and as a result did not get to read the waves this holidays. i should have started on woolf before golding. but i was determined to mend my ways, no more reading two books at one time for me. all my overdue library book fees - NOT WORTH IT! ugh.

recently read something on a classmate's blog which made me think about my writing. the lack of it, and the in/significance of it. the poetry in my archives - written in sec 2, 3, 4 days, and a lot of those are really plathian in a way - it's rather hard to really understand what i mean because some of the stuff is incredibly personal and i won't talk to anyone about it. self-centred and sometimes overdramatic poetry [cringe]. i mean to work on a play but, sigh. okay enough, back to PAP and majulah singapura [after being all, 'MALAYSIA TRULY ASIA!' that is]!

+ posted by M @ 3:01 PM

...	Thursday, June 23, 2005

Total volume of music files on my computer :1270 [and growing. growing. growing. i have to stop myself]

The last CD I bought was : don't really buy CDs unless i really love the band. hm. The Ataris - So Long Astoria? yeah. i think i allowed myself that CD from HMV [it was imported and thus more expensive] last year.

Song playing right now : ben lee - love song

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me :
(more the latter)
1. Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
2. Someone Like You - Van Morrisson
3. Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
4. Jian Dan Ai - Jay Chou
5. Ave Maria - Andrea Bocelli

okay. random thingamajig for the day.

+ posted by M @ 11:23 PM

...	Wednesday, June 22, 2005

pretty van's hair. our shoes. cher's red bag. sam's givenchy clutch 0_0. dav's bag. van's bag. dav's earrings. van's earrings. cher's necklace. sam's ear [can't see the pearl]. my bag. my earrings. we took these pictures in light of the fashion show we were waiting to watch. ha. ha. okay i shall stop wasting time and go do my work.  

+ posted by M @ 5:02 PM

...

SC NEOPRINTS! in my computer still?! man. i feel old.  

+ posted by M @ 4:59 PM

...

this was a long time ago when we studied less and went out more. and yes, it was this year. oh how time drags on. in order: dav, sam, van eating, dav and sam, cher me van, cher me, sam cher, cher me, cher dav, sam me, cher sam, EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL. hoho. fun times.  

+ posted by M @ 4:58 PM

...

picasa is fun. some random drama pics.  

+ posted by M @ 4:55 PM

...	Tuesday, June 21, 2005

i think if i had enough money to spare i'd blow it all on dvds, books, quirky pieces of furniture, CDs.

there are so many DVDs i so want to own! i know i download and stuff but it just isn't the same! when i get my own place i'll have an apartment overflowing with film and literature and artwork.

FILMS I WANT : the red curtain trilogy!, all of charlie kaufman's stuff - adaptation, being john malkovich, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, the truman show, before sunrise and before sunset, you've got mail!, my best friend's wedding, bridget jones diary, love actually, spiderman 1 and 2, shakespeare in love, dead poet's society, never been kissed, sepet, the godfather trilogy, donnie darko, dangerous lives of altar boys, amelie...

and there are many movies i do so want to rent and watch! like the graham greene adaptations and maria full of grace, thirteen, last life on the universe, so very many foreign films!

as for CDs: further seems forever, the vacant andys/the agency, counting crows circa 1990s, the ataris circa 1990s, the rest of dashboard, the get up kids, ben lee, ben folds five, backstreet boys greatest hits [yes i like them okay], the beatles, van morrisson, bob dylan, butch walker...

and more i can't seem to remember offhand.

sigh. i need to stop thinking of all this and get back to work.

i watched the truman show today. i watched it back when there was so much hype about it and i was, in primary school? secondary school? i think i've got to rewatch some movies again because when you read/watch stuff as you get older, the reactions are always different. and that's what i love about this stuff, there's always something new to discover. so i watched it this time and grasped the significance more than i did before and it wowed me. you should watch it too, if you haven't already. jim carrey isn't as bad as we think.

+ posted by M @ 9:41 PM

...	Monday, June 20, 2005

i think i have attained a certain level of muggerism.

performed feat of staying up from midnight to FIVE AM this morning cramming in history/lit/math. and then after that i couldn't sleep until 7 AM. after which i woke up at 10.30 AM for math tuition. 3.5 hours of sleep, and all because of the CTs. i know i know, it's partly cos of my procrastination, bad time management in the past few weeks but honestly if this staying up till 4 am to mug nonsense continues i think i'm going to die.

the a levels are killing me. IT'S RUINING MY LIFE. i spend every waking minute thinking about my studies [even when i'm here blogging i'm thinking of the pile of IH notes on my desk i haven't highlighted yet] and i've now developed sinuses in the morning. my skin has worsened and my eyes are weirded out. and i am missing all the things i so want to do. i know, whining about all this is not going to get me anywhere but honestly sometimes it feels so futile [i'm pretty sure i'm not getting a B for math. HAHA].

let this year be over, quick. hell is most torturous when prolonged. i don't mean to get all melodramatic, but forgive me i'm functioning on less than 5 hours of sleep, something i haven't done since prom when i was much younger and less jaded and weary.

yes. i've become weary. i think jc life has really aged me in this aspect. that's how i tell the j1s from the j2s. the j1s are still all fresh faced and hopeful while the j2s look little less than the living dead walking the grey grounds of njc.

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

MATTHEW 11:28-30

the Lord is my salvation. i will rise on the wings of eagles, for Christ is by my side every step of the way.

+ posted by M @ 9:02 PM

...	Sunday, June 19, 2005

i know i always rag on my brother for liking rap, but i guess in a way it's cool because though we don't agree on music [you'll never catch me listening to the likes of ludacris. most people know me as an emo person], he really likes rap not because he's floating along with the regular listeners of singapore 'trash' radio [who bop their heads to mindless tunes just because it's 'catchy'] but because he just happens to really like it. he speaks excitedly about gangsta rap [yeah, different from the stuff we get on the radio] like tupac and notorious b.i.g and can tell me the difference between types of rap [e.g old school rap - wu tang clan]. i don't mind tupac so much and i like wyclef jean [which according to him isn't really rap] but other than that? 50 cent is apparently much deeper than his radio persona, but i'm not touching any of that. and anyway, he'll never buy into all my emo-punk music 'crap' as he so calls it. he'd sooner listen to metal [think audioslave?]. but it's okay. i like diversity when it starts from passion.

anyhow. i will now gush about dashboard confessional. i pretty much feel the same way about dashboard as dars feels about switchfoot [ha tag if you read this]. you know, there's just this one band you like so much that everytime you listen to their songs your love for that band gets reignited everytime? yup, that's how it is with me and chris ender carrabba. just started listening to a man, a mission, a band, a scar again and everytime i listen to that album [particularly HANDS DOWN] i feel like i'm hearing it for the first time. and then i watched my CD i bought of him in makeshift concert ground and although all these fans are singing along [who can resist?] i think if i ever get to a DC concert i wouldn't. i'd just drink it all in. because DC songs can ONLY be sung by Chris with his emotion-drenched voice. the way he does it is electrifying and impossible to duplicate. people who want to perform DC covers are fools because no one can ever do it well unless they had the exact same feelings and experiences he had while he was penning the songs. if you're thinking about it, i'll tell you now, straight up, YOU'LL FAIL. don't mess with DC songs, YOU CAN'T DO IT. you may practice the chords and get the pitch perfect and whatever but it will just sound empty and burntout compared to the original. and i admit, for people who are into melody,the melodies do sound similar after awhile, but it's just that wonder of a lone chris carrabba standing in front of the crowd, singing straight from his heart like he's reliving the content of his songs that does IT. it just clicks. it's just right. and dashboard confessional will always be my favourite band.

p.s: BRIGHT EYES DOES NOT CUT IT. HE TRIED, HE FAILED. the whole grunge-emo-acoustic sound? doesn't go down that well with me though i admit some of his songs are reasonably good.

they're coming up with a new album, which is cool. and i really hope they steer clear of that 'vindicated' nonsense they pulled off last year. looking forward to some new tunes even though i'll have to resort to amazon because, ha, don't count on singapore to bring that stuff in.

okay, no work done yet. i can spend hours sitting at my computer and sampling music off amazon and downloading. oh goodness. oh goodness. yes, it may come as a surprise to some that i've started listening to john mayer quite a bit. not so much john mayer, but john mayer-ish stuff. ben lee, tyler hilton, ben folds, ben kweller, THE BENS. they are good. for laid-back guitar based songs [ben lee is a little quirky and melancholic which i like!] which i seem to favour seeing as the commons are causing me enough emotional tension i don't have to turn to savestheday to get my emo-fix.

+ posted by M @ 4:15 PM

...

SCGS:the bitchiest girls’ school in existence, rivalled only by WASPy east coast schools of america. the total income of the kids’ families in SCGS (and MGS) would easily surpass the GDP of most third world countries. yet they are smart, witty, charming, and possess a certain innominate flair about them (and if i didn’t say that i’d be dead tomorrow.. hi M. heh). they have a tendency to morph into tai tais post-marriage.

Matching boys’ schools: ACS (Indep)

just a little something i read. naturally i took great offense, but realized that it's all done in jest. so don't start throwing fireballs at this guy just yet. waspy east coast schools? the oc, anyone?

harbor high school. hee. mischa barton. hee.

oh God, i'm deranged.

+ posted by M @ 1:57 PM

...	Saturday, June 18, 2005

okay. if you have to catch one movie before the holiday ends, go for Batman Begins.

well, that is, if you have the stomach for darker heavier stuff.

or if you're not a purist like my dad ['they brought marvel elements into a dc comic film! purity is very important. batman is not angsty. christopher nolan is just frustrated he missed out on spiderman...' and he won't stop].

anyhow, i thought it was super. maybe because i'm blissfully ignorant of the actual storyline and occasionally, i like gritty films [not over the top like sin city though. that was awful and i only watched maybe half an hour of it].

not many people are fans of batman. because, well, not many people can relate to it - it's gothic, it's dark, it's cold, bruce wayne isn't exactly your friendly neighbourhood superhero like spidey who cracks jokes as he punches out criminals. he owns an empire. he's rich. he lives in a big house. many things most people won't understand. i mean, a rich do-gooder? who buys that, right? goes against the whole popular concept of 'i steal from the rich to give to the poor'. as kids, who really liked the batman comic anyway? i didn't, i thought he was boring and had no superpowers. spiderman remains my all-time favourite, especially the 'amazing spiderman' editions, which the movies are based on. but now that i have grown up [gosh that sounded cheesy], i quite appreciate the darker undertones of the dark knight. and it's nice that a billionaire character goes against the usual slimy stereotype and in this case puts his money to good use.

those were just some discoveries i made about the comic itself. as we all know, batman the comic has always been known to be darker than the usual fare, it deals with, well, something like the real world. it deals with terrorism and corruption. BUT. on to the movie itself. i'm not looking at it in batman context now, i'm looking at it as a film. and as a film i thought it was great. nolan dealt with complex issues like justice and fear and pulled it off. the whole ethic and moral controversy - is it ethical to take revenge? is it ethical to put people in jail? is it ethical to judge criminals when you don't understand their lives? he incorporated it into the batman comic - so what some people would say is, basically, it's just a movie with batman in it. it's not a batman movie per se, the background actually takes a second fiddle to the actual screenplay. nolan used the story as a backbone upon which to place his film. so for all you diehard comic fans out there, this really might disappoint. but for those who aren't very aware, you will appreciate the ideas he deals with. the grit of corruption and portrayal of the dystopia that is gotham city. the way fear irrationally consumes us and sometimes is the scariest thing of all [ha, paraphrasing roosevelt]. and it's true, in less exaggerated versions, in our lives. fear, corruption, prison ethics - really struck a chord.

the casting was pretty well done. katie holmes, i am quite objectionable to - but hey, who else right? not like Rachel had a big role anyway [SHE'S NOT EVEN PART OF THE COMIC!!! bruce wayne has a childhood sweetheart? that's just weird and uncalled for. but ah, this is the movies, there has to be some looooove]. christian bale's batsuit fit him like a glove. i think he's almost perfect for this role. michael caine was a substantial alfred. and other than that, well, cillian murphy was cute though psychotic. thought he did a pretty good job.

it's not like this movie is something i will rewatch and remember for years - but it's definitely something to catch while it's screening.

oh, and i want to watch Impenjarament. all the good stuff comes out just before the exams. i hate the a levels and how it is sucking away my life and time to appreciate things more important.

+ posted by M @ 9:58 PM

...	Friday, June 17, 2005

life is still hum drum.

ah well. about a week to the commons part 2, i guess this is how i'll be living out my day to day existence. study study study. till 3 am last night. and then i just couldn't sleep till 5 am because.. after staying up so late you just.. can't sleep. i don't know. and sheesh, i know there are people working much harder than me but i just can't take it. i spend three hours doing notes on chapter 1 of silas marner and there's STILL MORE TO WRITE. when it comes to lit i really don't know how to control myself. there's just so much in words. so many things of paramount importance. and somehow i feel like all this effort is futile anyway. i feel like i'm still going to fail my math. still going to scrape passes for lit and history even though I AM TRYING.

it shouldn't be this hard. it shouldn't. God help me.

signed upwith the church to sell flags for the yellow ribbon project tomorrow. this means that my whole day is practically gone. i quite regret signing up without thinking properly of the date but, well, i must not lose sense of life just because of exams and remember why i signed up in the first place [BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT]. as a result, cannot do many things i wanted to. cannot watch baz luhrmann's retrospective [the pain of it is killing me i tell you], especially when there is a 3 for 2 special NEXT SATURDAY!! sigh.

mandy where are you. i need to study at your place. i can't study at home. but i am going to try now. yes, i'm going to try.

happy holidays, everyone, or whatever is left of it.

+ posted by M @ 1:02 PM

...	Sunday, June 12, 2005

WARNING: IF SELF INDULGENT PEOPLE ANNOY YOU, READ NO FURTHER.

life has been rather droll the past few days. weeks. years.

hmm.

anyway. i've not been in a good mood for quite some time and i'm sorry if i've been acting weird. today i went to watch the nj dance people at 'passion in d'StreetZ [or sth like that, sheesh what a retarded name but whatever]' and it's really ... interesting. i mean. i don't know. i'm all for supporting the local arts scene and whatnot but i really can't appreciate this whole hip-hop culture thing. rapping about sexy women and wanting to get it on and blah blah blah - please, enough already. it's not very.. i don't know. do these people really feel what they are saying? i can't see the conviction. and the rock bands? [or at least the one i caught, which apparently is very popular] not very impressive either. i'm not meaning to be a critical snooty audience because i understand the performer's dilemma ... but really. sigh. this totally reminds me of the time some youth drama group did romeo and juliet singaporean style and massacred the play. ah well, it was good to see sam and nina and bron perform. i understand how that feels.

okay. all my gripes. gripes. gripes. as you can tell i just don't like all that rap stuff so i'm just biased. i mean i like wyclef and tupac alright .. but the stuff people come up with today. UGH. i turn on the radio briefly sometimes and the amount of bad unauthentic music on the air is just nauseating.

whine whine whine. math is evil. math is evil. math is evil. math is evil.

on the other hand. rewatched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind last week when it showed on HBO, and i just have to say it was even more wonderful the second time watching it! so many new things to discover. and i am currently downloading it because i want the uncut version [i hate how people censor films - the producer obviously put something in because it was of relevance] and then i shall watch it again. this movie really blows me away. i know i say that about so many films, but there is just SO MUCH BEAUTY around us, and we only realize at certain moments when we watch these things and then that realization disappears. i found the third draft of the script online and, reading it, i just felt so.. jealous and awed at the same time. sometimes i feel so envious of others' brilliance [kaufman, luhrmann, gondry] and i wish i could create something half as beautiful as that, nay, less than half! and i just kept thinking how wonderful it would be to stage a performance of ESOTSM and yet at the same time wishing i could write an original script good enough to be staged.

i think theatre and film is just really really something i want to pursue even further. yes, i really would like that.

+ posted by M @ 11:23 PM

...	Saturday, June 11, 2005

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it means having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become REAL."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

- from The Velveteen Rabbit

+ posted by M @ 8:59 PM

...	Wednesday, June 08, 2005

okay. after fiddling with my comments system. i find it very hard. HARD to set up. i know, i'm stupid. so i'm contemplating moving to livejournal which is foolproof. comment thingy set up already. yes, no? should i leave, should i stay? do the readers care?

+ posted by M @ 5:08 PM

...	Saturday, June 04, 2005

so the SATs have come and gone, and all in the span of the morning.

and a horrible morning it was. HWA CHONG DOES NOT HAVE AN AIRCONDITIONED HALL FOR TEST-TAKERS! i know i sound awfully spoilt - but really, though aj was small, it's test taking conditions were far better when i took the SATs there last year. plus the teachers had a less stick-in-the-mud attitude and didn't treat us like imbecilic kids taking the o level exam because the crowd was largely made up of nsmen then i think. or something. anyway they just weren't jc students. and it's very unpleasant getting barked at to 'stop work. put down your pencil' after every section. ugh. o levels. a levels. come what may. i hate these huge mass exam things with a passion. just not my thing.

i pray to the good Lord that i'll do well enough on this one so that now i can just concentrate on CT revisions [those of you that have started, please don't give me the gory details].

i'm beginning to think i should have gone to town today and yesterday instead of pushing my town trip into valuable studying time next week. wanted to browse around at HMV and get the books i wanted at kinokuniya [OKAY. i know. i shouldn't. but michelangelo's letters and writing? i can't resist. plus the Love Gathers All anthology which i finally discovered at the top shelf of the asian writers block. why do they put all the good local writing so high up?-_-]

OH. i also don't like how they categorize it - Asian Literature. LITERATURE IS LITERATURE! why is it that russian writers, irish writers, american writers, english writers, latin american writers etc etc are all put on the same shelf but there is such a distinction made for Asian Lit? i mean. this is something i feel strongly about, and i think as long as we're going to split writing up in bookstores, we're never going to achieve any advancement in the appreciation of 'local' writing [most of the nj lit wing people don't know who cyril wong, alfian sa'at, alvin pang are. my god.]. and i hate to say it like that - 'local' writing, but that's the only way people will understand it presently.

i've been downloading far too many songs. i've run out of space on my iPod mini. i'm trying to convince myself i don't actually need to sell and trade for a regular iPod. after all, my parents got me this one and i'd feel awfully guilty if i gave it up. i mean, honestly, i must not be so spoilt. argh. but i need space. if only there was some way to inject GBs into the green thing.

OKAY.

i realize i'm being a horribly self-indulgent blogger. i actually plan to spend a number of days in town just reading at a cafe. i have a lot of books to read. BUT I MUST STUDY FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF MANKIND! sigh. i hate exams.

you know, why is it that doing well in exams is doing something good for myself? well. i think because i want to go to university. and continue studying. oh the irony. but yes, i really do want to go to university OVERSEAS and LEARN all sorts of interesting things about Literature and Film and Art! so yes, i will suffer a little bit for this year.

[must make sure i remain resolute]

on a random note, i bought a punching bag [is really cheaper than most people expect for that huge bulky thing] and am going to hang it up as soon as family gets back from china. how exciting.

+ posted by M @ 3:26 PM

...	Thursday, June 02, 2005

okay. looking at my tagboard i realize i need to install a comments system. how much of my own writing is in that tagboard, how much [CRINGE].

well, i don't know how to install a comments system -_-

and i hope you guys understand what i meant by that whole entry about love [because i see angela and kai have some mistaken reactions towards it]. i know it's hard to understand because it's just me going on and on in my own rambly way but well, interpret as you choose i guess. i'm not saying that love should be like it is exactly in the movies - movies are only brief threehouratmost portrayals of relationships! but what i mean is, the very essence, the very message of the movie [sometimes, not all] is something we should really want to have in real life. truth, freedom, beauty, love. don't brush those things off as though they should only belong in moulin rouge - make them come alive!

+ posted by M @ 11:26 PM

...	Wednesday, June 01, 2005

this isn't the first time i've stayed home alone.

but somehow it feels a lot more different this time even though my grandparents come over at night. but well, it feels strange to come back to a room that has been totally untouched - usually all my stuff would be rearranged by my mom or something because she can't take my messiness and when i get home i feel baffled. and it's nice in a way, to have things where i put them, but i also miss the little touches of home - the little things like these shifting of my belongings by seemingly invisible hands that reminds me i'm not alone.

i don't know how i'm going to handle living alone. everyday i wake at whatever time i want and then go to town to do some SAT prepwork. it's a very lonely, dry existence. i'm feeling especially detached as i walk through town on my own and this is not good. well not everyday, but today and yesterday feels like repetition enough. and plus, today i was alone in my studying. not a very fruitful day, even though i completed a 3 hour paper i was very distracted. i shall not try out places like orchard library and will just stick to wheelock from now on.

because it is impossible to get a table at orchard library and it is not possible to hover while waiting for someone to finish studying unlike being able to hover over someone eating his last mouthfuls of cake. and anyway, i hate hovering in any case though in places like foodcourts it is necessary.

so i went to orchard library, couldn't find a place. went to coffee club inside kinokuniya. ordered a drink i didn't want and didn't finish. i always get seated next to people who have meaninglessly interesting conversations. then i took a break after 6 sections. bad move. i got extremely distracted by the literature section and now i have a desire to purchase even more books on top of the ones i have not finished [i bought Greene's Orient Express and The Heart of the Matter yesterday. yes, i have no self control]. anyway i went back to orchard library in hopes of getting a place. did not get one. went to wheelock and sat opposite my usual spot [yes after one day it is my 'usual spot'. how easily we claim things]. finished my paper, wrote out some quotes i liked on pieces of paper and went about borders putting them in certain books in the literature section. i had to do this quite carefully so people wouldn't see me. felt very exciting and spy-like of sorts.

so that's pretty much my day [inclusive of a lot of browsing around and finding certain poems by certain people published in certain books]. i know this is bland ... but somehow today felt special.

+ posted by M @ 7:33 PM