I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that ... over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play.

- Viola in Shakespeare in Love

i really felt for this so much. heart of my own heart.

and i know i'm going to go on and on about it and i know you're going to call me a dreamer and an idealist and things so many people have called me before but i can't help it i have to say all this. so today i went to town to do SAT prep and after awhile met bea and had a rare conversation where i actually said what i was thinking and i talked about how detached we are as lit students sometimes because we're exposed to so much more and we want so much more - and if that doesn't apply to you it applies to me. but yes, i want love, truth, freedom, beauty! all these things that have become such mythical entities to us - when they're not, when they shouldn't be! i want more than the average jc life where one goes to school, talks of nothing of importance, goes on meaningless dates watching meaningless movies just so you can have someone around - i want so much more than that.

and people think they should just be satisfied with this mundanity, either that or they care more about getting the latest handbag in fashion, but don't they realize that the things that cost nothing are the things that are worth the most? i cannot. i cannot be satisfied - and it is this reluctance to accept 'reality' that makes me unhappy. is it worth it? this struggle against world values and beliefs for the want of something more fulfilling? YES.

why is it that people enjoy all these fantastical fairytales and movies so much and after watching them, 'snap back to reality'? 'true love' has become something pretty we take out of a box to look at for awhile and then put back in after dismissing it as 'just a movie'. we pay $7.50 for a ticket to rainbowland and then promptly get out after that. i mean, true love becomes something cliched that actors play out on a big screen as we munch on popcorn - it has been reduced to that! and it ENRAGES ME! so very much. it makes me sad that the many times i feel a common conviction in something is when i'm watching something scripted and directed. or when i'm reading something. why is it that these REAL ideals have become so fictional when it is these very things that should be the foundations of our lives. and when i want all these things people tell me to stop being idealistic and face up to reality - but WE CREATE OUR OWN REALITY. we have created this world of hate and destruction and we don't seem to be stopping anytime soon. i wish people would just take a step back and recognize all the things that are good in life, these things that are really REAL!!!

there is so much reality out there while we are living this superficial existence and it is just fading more and more each day, each time we say 'fairies don't exist'. yes, i understand that now, i understand what peter pan meant by a fairy dropping dead everytime someone says 'fairies don't exist'. each time we denounce the existence of beauty and love, we kill it little by little. and these things would be so much more alive, if we only believed in them a little more. there is so much beauty, so much love, so much truth. and i just want someone to share this with, yes, because truth beauty freedom and ABOVE ALL LOVE - these things mean nothing when you don't have someone to share them with.

and perhaps many of you out there are reading this and shaking your head, you think, 'oh poor poor mel. she is never going to happy.'

yes, maybe i never will be. but meanwhile, i'm not going to substitute it with something plastic.

WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE

+ posted by M @ 10:57 PM

...	Sunday, May 29, 2005

today is corpus christi sunday and now i'm sitting in front of the computer waiting for my grandparents to be back with some dinner.

family is away in china for a week except for me and my brother and my brother has gone to stay at his friend's place so i'm home alone. am glad though, that my maternal grandparents have been coming to stay the night - they'll be doing so till my parents get back. grandparents are really the most doting people in the world. it's always 'what do you want to eat?' and i never get woken up and 'where do you want to be sent?'. i wonder how a pair of persons could ever take delight in loving and spoiling me so much. and not just that, i really enjoy talking to my grandpa about life and stuff. he always has something interesting to say, all his philosophies, all his theories, so full of wisdom and experience.

anyhow. so today in church during corpus christi mass it just really OCCURRED to me. the story of Christ is sometimes so surreal. he sounds like those legendary heroes of the past - so much so that sometimes people think its myth. before i knew anything about the christian faith i used to think it was just a nice make believe story people liked to tell [this was when i was a child] - i never actually grasped the reality of the Greatest Story Ever Told. but today it just all. sprung up on me at once. that THIS IS REAL. Christ's blood was shed for us. He REALLY died, He REALLY rose from the dead, He REALLY loves us that much. and a lot of the time i don't think people really understand how REAL this is [myself included]. because if everyone really knew and understood how real Christ's death on the cross was - how could anyone still deny him and refuse to believe? there is just SO much that speaks to us to BELIEVE in Him. bea used to say this to me, 'mel i don't understand how people can still deny Christ after all these things have happened' and i used to say i could understand how people could refuse God because i didn't really truly understand what she meant. but today, this epiphany makes me realize, that she's right. HOW can people not believe even after The Passion of Our Christ?! HOW? now i don't understand the other perspective so much anymore. funny how humans can just make the switch so abruptly.

because yes, you can say that you don't have faith in God, you believe there is no God and so on. but you CANNOT deny the fact that there was a man called Jesus who died a brutal death on the cross and told us that HE DIED FOR US, and then He ROSE again. so maybe you use scientific evidence and what not to back your claim [big bang theory etcetc] - but just think about it, even logically [this in itself is paradoxical because logic and emotion are so different], why would anyone die for us unless He loved us so much? the death and resurrection of Christ has had a profound impact on the world - christians and non-christians - and there is definitely a reason for that. i think it would be so interesting to know what the non-emotional and non-theological view on Christ as a historical figure is. because i don't think i've ever really understood that viewpoint of Him as a mere man.

anyway, anyone who's ever interested in knowing more about the faith, i will be more than glad to bring you to church with me.

+ posted by M @ 7:34 PM

...

after all the post-dramafest giddiness has settled down, i've done some reflecting. after talking to some of the exco, after realizing the phrase dio gave us, i suppose we all feel a bit bitter about things. i think that briefing before dramafest started really didn't go down too well with us. we were all individually waiting for at least a small thank you and we didn't get it. and we only realized that all of us were affected by that when we discussed with each other. i know dio has this whole theory about self glorification and what not - but we weren't expecting some extravagant thank you with everyone clapping for us and whatever, in fact even a private acknowledgement from the teachers would have satisfied us. we just wanted to be recognised, because even though things may not have gone as smoothly and efficiently as dio would have liked - we really cared a lot about this production and for weeks it consumed us totally [the only thing on my mind the past week was DRAMAFEST. i went to class like a zombie. i don't even remember how tuesday, wednesday and thursday passed except that i knew at the end of the day there'd be rehearsals.]. i guess i didn't mind so much because the people that were really important to me showed so much support - my mom, my friends [esp my non nj friends who made extra effort to come down].

and all the sarcasm was really not appreciated. there's constructive criticism and there's times when it does get personal. i don't really know what he means by giving us the phrase 'find it', and maybe i'm being oversensitive by thinking it is just a sarcastic statement telling us we just haven't found it, haven't succeeded. but you know, whatever. i don't make it a point to dislike dio, and i don't dislike him, and i recognize that he's my gp AND lit teacher and i'll need to be working with him for the rest of the year. stuff like this happens in life and i just wish there was something i could do to alleviate the disappointment some of the exco are feeling. because it's not worth it. guys, we know we did our best, we know we cried and sweat over dramafest, and we've come out better for it - we made friends. and we know at the end of the day, ratty teachers or not, that it was really worth it. i hope you'll feel that way. despite all the frustrations and stress, it's been great to work with you guys. DRAMA EXCO 2005, we are a special bunch because we had to pick up where the last exco let off and we really improved njdrama so much more from the state it was left in last year.

FOUND IT.

+ posted by M @ 2:01 PM

...	Saturday, May 28, 2005

famous amos cookie flowers!  

+ posted by M @ 2:30 PM

...

MY FLOWERS. i know this is vain, BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE GOTTEN FLOWERS FOR PUTTING UP A SHOW. its a milestone.  

+ posted by M @ 2:29 PM

...

my gosh dramafest is over and i'm so glad. relieved and happy that it went well. prayer really got me through this whole process. so first of all, I THANK YOU GOD!

and then i have to thank the people who came to watch. i am so glad. it really really meant a lot to me that all of you came. though i don't think we hit fullhouse, it was so much more important that the people in the audience were the people i love. zhaoxin, ven, yif, cher, bea, sam, ther, gayle, mandy, cel, ed, sw, charm, jen, ying, yilin, cha ... : ) although i didnt get to talk to you much after, i'm REALLY SO HAPPY you came! oh and it was really nice that some people came unexpectedly. the little things like thomas and justin, people i'm not even close to, coming to tell me i was doing well mattered.

didn't really take much photos because i didn't have the time to. had to stand at the door and thank people for coming before i could talk to others and some people really dawdle. but it's okay. my first time doing this kind of thing and first time getting flowers for it. thanks for the flowers. this is the best part of performing and producing[other than watching the audience react well and enjoy themselves]. seeing your friends and knowing they were there to support you. something like this makes me want to pursue theatre.

and of course, the drama people. they don't read this. but well, i'm glad that we all worked together and in the process became friends. though the exco is not as united and though i admit i am closer to some in the exco more than others, it has really been an experience and at the end of the day we're all happy AND READY TO STEP DOWN! the cast, the crew, the house, the publicity!

it may not have been a perfect show, but nonetheless, we are happy and content. all's well, end's well.

THANK YOU JESUS!

+ posted by M @ 2:08 PM

...	Monday, May 23, 2005

okay so for the Singapore Arts Festival this year Luhrmann's RAISE THE RED CURTAIN trilogy is gonna be screened at The Arts House throughout the month of june! PLUS La Boheme. four films of Luhrmann goodness! two of which i have not watched - La Boheme and Strictly Ballroom. there are a lot of events i always want to go for [romeo and juliet under the stars, an immaculate misconception etc] and end up missing but i AM NOT MISSING THIS even if i have to go alone. but of course, it's always more fun to go with other interested people and rave about it after. so dawn? or whoever, if you're interested, let me know.

SO EXCITING!

can't i feel more enthusiastic about my schoolwork. i need to be. excited about math.

i am truly very excited about this!! but it occurs to me i also have to study for my SATs, rework the dramafest emcee script [oh no. i'm terrible at this], do math homework, history homework, lit stuff ... and of course, eventually, the A Levels.

if i'm just bad news, then you're a liar.

Taking Back Sunday! i've rented two films this weekend and not gotten to watch them yet - Franco Zeferelli's Romeo and Juliet and The Godfather Part II. MMM. ONE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL/DRAMA PREP! yes. gosh i really think that without some slight twinges of conscience which are derived from, ironically, a love for God, i could really let myself slide into sinful decadence - just watching films and reading all day. I CANNOT! must study! must. study.

we cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.

you said it, Mother Teresa.

+ posted by M @ 1:56 PM

...	Wednesday, May 18, 2005

just one more week.

idontwanttoscrewupidontwanttoscrewupidontwanttoscrewupidontwanttoscrewup.

gosh, i'm scared.

+ posted by M @ 11:03 PM

...	Tuesday, May 17, 2005

why'd you have to be so cute
it's impossible to ignore you
must you make me laugh so much
it's bad enough we get along so well

goodnight and go - imogen heap

am feeling very full. and restless. and now a little tired.

the more i study international history, the more sickened i get with the world. i think arts subjects tend to do that to you sometimes. i mean the US should just mind their own business. they find fault with a nationalist government they see as communist because they are just TOO STUPID TO DIFFERENTIATE and then they try to assassinate/overthrow the guy and place a right-wing dictator in his place. SO MANY TIMES. like wth. stop it already, learn your lesson and stop bullying people. and you know what, even if the people do elect a communist president - IT ISN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. so suck it up and leave them alone.

and yesterday when i asked my parents if they were going to visit tiananmen square on their trip to china in june and i told them that was where many people were killed, they said, 'not that many people. not thousands.' and i was quite horrified, 'isn't killing one person bad enough?!' i think all this war/MASS MURDER just desensitizes us so much nowadays - people are just seen as statistics and we don't empathize enough for each individual life that is lost.

anyway i have discovered that our j1 arts guys are very different from their j2 counterparts. and in a good way. they seem to be more intellectual, they enjoy literature and drama. i find them a lot easier to relate to than my guy classmates i find. i mean, i get the feeling that one can really hold conversations with them about books and art and life instead of the trivial gossips i trade with people on a daily basis. one of them caught me off guard by asking me, 'are you a writer?' i didn't really know what to say - because i don't know if i can call myself a writer anymore. i haven't written anything decent in more than a year. so i just turned it around and asked what he meant, and he said, 'well, like, you write stuff, right?' and i still didn't really answer that, so he just told me i had a 'literary aura'. haven't really been sized up so much by a person for a while. and i haven't gotten that kind of comment and insight from someone in a long time. i like these people, because i think they're truly interested in the world of beauty and art around them and they really have a passion for it [one of them told me he likes shakespeare]. and it's refreshing to be around people like them because i guess you just feed off the positive energy.

today was quite a nice day. it was nice to have fun with the drama people during their rehearsals and make all sorts of witty jokes. and at times, talk about interesting things.

+ posted by M @ 9:00 PM

...	Monday, May 16, 2005

this is real.

+ posted by M @ 9:34 PM

...	Sunday, May 15, 2005

everything's all about dramafest right now. went to school at 12 yesterday to watch the rehearsals and then rehearse for pub stunt and set up ticket booth [which btw was not such a success as i expected it to be. SIGH] but it was okay. i appreciated having melvin and elsa and mandy and bea for company. mandy and elsa buying food first for us to eat and then at the end melvin just kept BUYING MORE AND MORE FOOD AND DUMPING IT AT THE BOOTH and it was wasted. but well, it's the thought that counts.

still lots of things that need to be done. just two more weeks and it's done. TWO MORE WEEKS! the more i watch the rehearsals the happier i feel, especially watching Hurry! i guess because the cast is almost entirely made up of ARTS people [dav, jason, jeff] and jason is just so! cute! in his role. he really is so! cute, get a real kick out of watching him rehearse so earnestly.

it's finally happening. njdrama is finally having a performance. i can't wait for it to be over at the same time though. i feel so psyched for friday night.

been listening to a coupla songs lately. worn me down by rachel yamagata, goodnight and go by imogen heap, both with a twinge of wistfulness in their voices, and i've gotten hooked. BEN LEE is good too. and i find mad world by gary jules very haunting. especially the sequence in donnie darko in which it was played. some stuff to check out.

is it me or can no one see my blog? it doesn't load on my IE. as usual i'm being a computer dummy. angela i've decided which picture i want to use but i need to think of a quotable quote.

okay i have a lot of work to complete. a lot. a lot. a lot. ahhhhh. and it's funny because some people you wouldn't expect have been coming to buy tickets for dramafest [i think elsa and mandy know who i'm talking about heh heh] and you think to yourself, maybe he has a secret passion for theatre! THEATRE and finding your face!

+ posted by M @ 4:26 PM

...	Thursday, May 12, 2005

it has been a trying day. i was happy enough when i thought we had done up the drama posters for good yesterday but showed them to DIO today and he wanted some changes done so they'd all be in line with each other.

then it was a mad rush for me to try and get them all together by 2pm when the printman came down or else 'we'll miss the boat'. adeline wasn't in school today so i had to grab someone, anyone from Art to help me. fortunately yuehan and i had coinciding free periods and he very nicely agreed to help even though he isn't even in drama. in frantic times, you really appreciate the little kindnesses shown your way. well as a result of trying to get them all in one running theme, i had to let go of two designs, one in particular which i liked very much [the smiley design. i liked that one muchly] so we were left with three. the teachers are weird. i don't think they understand how complex photoshop is when it comes to layering and layering these designs, and especially without adeline around [she's familiar with her own layers] changes cannot be made every few minutes. it is a rather painful process i can tell you that. and i was only watching and giving suggestions.

well we finally got all the stuff done when the printman came down except for one poster which is sort of hanging about because the teachers liked the BLUE TINGE WHICH WAS ACTUALLY A PRINTING DEFECT. i mean honestly. i had to explain that to them a few times and they didn't seem to get it they just kept on going on about how nice it was. DENSE-ITY! so i get the feeling we need to redo that one. my goodness. sheeshums.

and in dio's corner he picks up my file and looks at it and says something completely ineligible and after commenting on luhrmann whom i said i liked, he said, 'everyone needs something to believe in'. yeah, well. i wasn't in the mood for some chit-chat about my beliefs which he knows nothing about so seriously, JUST LAY OFF. i know i sound completely defensive but i don't really like people assuming things about me they don't know [even if you might think you're highly insightful]. don't come near me unless i let you in. maybe that sounds harsh to you but that's just how i work. there are always layers. the civil smiles and conversations, and then there is the small door to the heart.

ah well, it's no use getting annoyed with teachers. essentially it's my CCA and i'm going to get this DONE.

so there were two instances today. yuehan's help and my math teacher's understanding nature. math is my weakest subject in school as it is for most of us arts students and i guess he knows that. i'm usually fiddling with my phone during his class because it's one of the first periods and every morning there will always be drama stuff to settle. today after class he asked me if i was very busy and i told him dramafest was coming and well, i was glad he noticed that i was a little jittery when most teachers just don't give you any leeway at all. and then i didn't manage to go for his remedial because of the poster fiasco after school but i ran into him afterward and he was rather understanding about it.

am also happy because when i went to the library today and asked the usually grumpy librarian if i could renew my books, she said, 'yes of course!' in a very cheerful tone. and that made me happy.

seems like nothing, but it's something.

just yesterday i heard about the softballer's demise. i can't imagine the extremity and intensity of feelings they are experiencing - the idea that all their efforts have been excruciatingly futile - but i do understand that it's frustrating because, well, 'it's life'. a simple rusty expression people use in a lame attempt to justify the irrational events around them. just when you think it's in the bag, it jumps out and sinks into the ground. because when i read their blogs and see the swift change in tone and emotion in their entries [from the glowing glee of victory to the black despair] i can really feel for this big plunge their hearts have taken. oh, how quickly things go, how transient things are.

so today we were told be the principal [with regards to academia], YOUR LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE! I AM THINKING OF YOUR HAPPINESS!

yes, well. i'll be the better judge of that, thank you very much.

+ posted by M @ 9:21 PM

...	Wednesday, May 11, 2005

isn't it funny how windows fax printer says so confidently in its little grey box that the pictures are printed successfully even before they've started printing?

just a quirky thought.

anyhow. got the drama posters edited and finally done satisfactorily today. am really quite pleased with them! sat down with adeline from publicity to do it in the art room since she's in Art and therefore allowed to touch the precious Mac computers [gosh they are really cool the njart people are privileged]. lounging around [okay not exactly. i was really brainstorming for ideas for posters okay] in the art room - i really felt so envious of the Art students and how wonderful it would be to do Art. they get to the art room after school, look for images for their coursework and sketch and sketch. and given that it is actually work and stressful though it doesn't seem to be - i think that no matter how hard it is, they love it whole heartedly and don't mind doing that much work at all because they are doing something so much more fulfilling than mathematics questions - they are creating ART! expressing BEAUTY! TRUTH! LIFE! so to them it isn't really 'work'. they're really doing something they love. something i know i would have loved to do. and i thought about that missed opportunity i could have had in ac - but i guess everything is give and take, and i'd have missed some opportunities i have now in nj had i gone to ac although sometimes Art and CAP seem to be such big misses.

i shall not dwell on that. i just can't wait to live out my grand dreams of taking art classes the whole period before i go away to university next year and then taking it as a course in university.

drama is really going to be one of the more enriching experiences i take away with me when i leave nj. though it frustrates me and stresses me, i know i can't say much for anything else about jc life i'd like to bring with me when i leave except for drama and lit.

and we've started silas marner. we started last week and somehow i find the book delightfully funny. i know black humour isn't even intended and i feel sorry for silas all the same but still i can't help but giggle when he brings out his money for company every night and feels great grief in his heart upon cracking his favourite water pot. so melodramatic he is. and i really like him as a character - all his eccentricities ... i can relate to him somehow. yes, i like it!

so, WHO ARE YOU?

+ posted by M @ 10:28 PM

...	Tuesday, May 10, 2005

i'm annoyed with technology as i type out this post on my wireless keyboard. WHY? because we were all made to pay $30 for NJCKM [which the principal makes out to be like SOME WORK OF GENIUS] and the DAMN thing can't even upload my 2.5MB file properly. what did i pay for huh? no, more importantly, WHAT IS IT FOR? futile and useless and meaningless things they think will serve us.

yes, serve us i say! serve us! oh my eyes have been opened! had a wonderful lecture with champagne today on huxley's brave new world. champagne seems to have a horrible view of Singapore society and sometimes it really scares me to think that i'm really living in such a society [while most of us at first think it can't possibly be as bad as she says it is] - because i guess sometimes it is the outsiders looking that know more clearly what the reality is. i think we are an odd society. today she was talking about the NE values that have been inculcated in us since young - Serving the Nation, Serving the Economy [being economically useful by taking classes to keep yourself viable etc etc], Serving Society. it's all about serving things apparently bigger and above ourselves. human beings are just viewed as resources, as things the economy and society use for its own purpose. what do we always hear? Singapore's only resource is its people. and i never actually found anything wrong with that - none of us did, because scarily, we've been SO CONDITIONED by SS to think that's how it is ... but to someone like ms champagne [i think she's from north america], to use the word 'resource' to describe a human being is APPALLING. and now that she brings it to light, it really is! we may brush it off as no big deal, but huxley's novel clearly demonstrates the repercussions of such an ideal. we begin to place our lives into the hands of bureaucrats and scientists. and there you have societal ethics i suppose - for the greater good of others, but Huxley brings up something very important. Huxley believes [like George Herbert at some points] that MAN IS THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE and that all other things exist because WE need them to. and to allow the economy and society and politics to guide our lives is just against all fundamentals of humanity because it should be the other way round - ECONOMY serves US, SOCIETY serves US, SCIENCE serves US. gosh I LIKE THIS!

so when you're feeling low, and pressured, and knocked into a corner by worldly systems - remember this - YOU ARE THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE! WE ARE ALL THE CENTRES OF UNIVERSES! and while this may not be a practical thought to have when you're the only one going against the flow and it would be for your 'better good' if you just caved in and served like everyone else - PRACTICALITY IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT! HUMANITY COMES FIRST! and i don't care but i believe in this with such a conviction it casts such a new light on so many things for me and i just LOVE literature because it really opens up the world. and with whitby on monday i joined yifang and van for consultation with him and we did an excerpt from one of WH Auden's plays and it was just wonderful! JUST WONDERFUL! i can't remember but i'll look at it again and maybe talk about it. everytime we look at brave new world, chapter 16 just keeps resounding because it seems to be the very crux of the novel, the very crux of life - huxley has such a beautiful mind.

+ posted by M @ 7:46 PM

...	Friday, May 06, 2005

AHHH I'M A CULINARY FAILURE!

it seems i can bake but i cannot cook. AND THEY ARE DIFFERENT THINGS. baking is easy. mix up the batter [i can even remember some of the dimensions by heart], spoon it into cake tins, muffin tins, trays etc etc bake and voila! something delicious is bound to happen. cooking, on the other hand, is hard. skinning and slicing the potatoes. seasoning. blah blah blah. and to think potato gratin is actually quite a simple recipe. WELL THE RECIPE WAS STUPID. it said to 'LINE' the casserole dish with foil. and after i finished baking the thing, i wondered why it was so watery and looked up some other recipes on the net and they all said, 'COVER' to bake the stupid thing. blasted coriander leaf recipe and their singlish. ARGH! omg i can't cook. it's watery. i can imagine later on tonight, the bunch of us will be using ladles to scoop out my liquid potato gratin. it's like milk potato soup. omg. i feel like that i'm in that scene in bridget jones where she cooks blue soup and marmalade.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

+ posted by M @ 6:30 PM

...	Wednesday, May 04, 2005

okay this is bad. am wasting away my days doing NOTHING PRODUCTIVE and then frantically rushing work in the morning [in school or in the wee hours at my desk]. i'm just becoming this ... thing. sigh sigh sigh. need to get moving and do things but argh i'm on the roll to see the vp for poor grades [at a CEO im going to alevel hell] and haha this is the same person whose parents want her to apply to YALE. so it has occurred to me that IM PRETTY BAD. must study.

yeah well, they don't know my CT grades.

ah wells. dramafest is coming. before i got into drama, i used to watch plays and just think about the actors and how good they were. or the script. or whatever. now that i'm in drama and having to oversee the dramafest [which entails a lot more than you can imagine, seriously - though i get to tell people to do certain things for me, it sometimes irks me that they can't figure out their role and job themselves and they don't take the initiative to get back to me asap. yes, it stresses my heart because i don't just send out these instructions and forget them. i think about them until they've been followed.] i've begun to appreciate things like well done props and backdrops [DAWN'S SNOW QUEEN BACKDROP LAST YEAR FOR AC] which i'm sure hardly anyone really notices or cares about at all. the actors to me have been diminished to people we use to sell tickets for the show and are also rather airy fairy and need almost everything to be done for them [i have to call, i have to msg, i have to arrange their rehearsals for them. half my phone bill is spent on doing that i bet you]. SO PEOPLE, REMEMBER THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE SCENES COS IT AIN'T EASY LIKE I THOUGHT IT WAS [in other words, come for njdramafest and support my efforts].

on a side note, i watched millions over the mayday weekend, and it is a MUST WATCH! even the anti-artshouse kids will enjoy it. mmmkay. i've stopped downloading movies for a while, i need to start burning what i have and clearing my computer so i have more space and it gets faster.

okay okay i'm going already.

+ posted by M @ 9:36 PM